It is true. When I put down the things I needed to forgive, I recalled things I myself needed to be forgiven for. Rocco needs to separate out his own areas of improvement from the self image he takes away from his broken relationship with his wife. It is a difficult thing, because he needs to accept that he is OK and loved - his standing with God is secure, even though he needs improvement. But he is not worthless or less than a person, which is how these relationships make you feel.
Its hard work to work in so many areas at once, but it must be done. Nothing worthwhile comes that easily.
I too made the mistake of assuming a parental tone with my wife. In trying to draw boundaries around myself to protect myself from control, I took a tone that was too parental and condescending at times. Of course, it led to more tense words and fights rather than progress. I am learning to draw the boundaries in a more constructive way, by erecting them around myself without needing to point them out and by behaving in a way that swtches the focus away from areas of boundary violation. Then I simply do what I know is right in the situation and refuse to engage in the fighting about it. It's very powerful.
