My wife does not want to be subservient to me. As my therapist has told me and has seen my wife in the past, she wants to be the boss and control me and be in charge of every situation.
I do agree that when she attackes me verbally, I need to walk away from her. If I were to tell her "Whey your ready to discuss this like adults I'm ready to talk until then, I'm not talking about this to you" That would set her off because she sees nothing wrong in her behavior.
I also agree that I am setting a poor example of how a man should be in front of my children.
DYFS saw my wife yesterday and told her its an open and shut case and not to worry about it so that was good news. I don't think things through enough but react like an a-hole. I should have never gone to the police.
It is a stressful environment I live in. My wife is a good mother and does so much work with my kids with all the issues they have, I wonder how she does it. My son has ADHD so its very difficult but she takes him to the doctors and supports them in their studies. If I attempt to help my son with school, she angerly responds with, "I know what you are trying to do and I don't need your help." Yet she will also complain that she does everything around the house because she gets no support and If I try to help, I don't do it correctly, or the way she thinks I should do it.
We talked to my son first about what happened when DYFS visited at school. She asked my Son, do we beat you? And he responded with Dad threaten me to hit me with a strap (that was true, but I told him back in July, I never intended to use it, I will never threaten him like that again and I am sorry). He also added, in talking to my W, you slapped me in the face. My wife said, No I don't. My son said yes you do and I added, I saw you slap him in the face. She said, that is because he slapped me first. I said, no, Nick did not slap you at all. She then apologized to Nick.
I am taking the kids on a Halloween train ride this Sunday in town and and its just me an the kids.
I told her I have my 1st phone consultation with Divorce Busting tomorrow. I said they believe all marriages are salvagable, unless of course there is abuse or drugs involved and things like that. I added that from what I read, most troubled couples continue to do things that don't work. Traditional therapist treat the problem but don't address the solutions. Couples play the blame game, he blames her, she blames him. She responded, I don't blame anybody. I did not answer but that was not a true statement.
I said I believe that our marriage can be saved and my goal is to work on saving our marriage. She said she hadn't decided what to do. She said you really hurt me in June, and that was the 3rd time. I didn't answer her because I already apologized for that.
I asked her if she had talked to a therapist. Her sister, who is a social worker recommended 2, but one was not in our plan, and one moved away. I told her there are plenty in Flemington. I asked her if she read the Divorce Busting books, but she said, I don't have any time. I asked her if she would be interested in talking to a Divorce Busting coach and she said No.
What frustrates me is she has never apologized to me for her behavior. If you read my previous posts, my IL's can treat me however they like. True, I should have ignored them, and I did tell my wife that they are upsetting me, but she sees nothing wrong with what they do to me.
Later, we talked to our daughter about our relationship and what her feelings are. She said it upsets her and she wants the family to stay together. My W asked her if she would be OK if Mom and Dad lived in different homes but Dad would live close by. My D said No because it would make her sad. My D doesn't want us to Divorce. I told my D that I didn't want that either and I was working very hard to save our marriage. My W made no response to that and my D just nodded.
I hope I did the right thing with my discussions with my kids last night. Please comment!
