DYFS told me they do not inform who reported the incident so she can't find out that way.
I wish I didn't act so fast on my gut reaction and thought it out first of what the ramifications might be before I acted upon it. That is one, if not, my biggest fault. I know lying isn't helping me although my wife has lied to me several times.
Your 1st line is "I'm not saying to confess all." How can I confess it was me, but not confess all of it. What could I possibly tell her.
She doesn't trust me now at all because I hurt her so bad this past June and she is afraid that I will hurt her again. But when I said I wasn't the only one that was hurt, you have hurt me to, to the point I wanted to commit suicide. I wish she would take accountability for her actions and at least apologize to me for once but that will never happen.
She knows I am reading Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy, but she has no interest in reading them herself. And that hurts that I have to do everything. She told me this past June if I want to make the marriage work, I have to do this, that and the other. Apparently she doesn't have to make any changes. She still curses at me when she is upset and it has nothing to do with me.
If she finds out it was me, what can I possible say to explain to her in a healthy Marital supporting way that I reported it?
take some free legal adivce (yes I'm a lawyer, but still a nice person) and SHUT UP! When I said not to confess all, I just meant that Not lying isn't the same thing as blurting out the truth.
When I see a fat friend who gained yet more weight, I don't tell her she gained weight--although it would be true. I say nothing. IF I were to be asked in some serious sort of way whether I thought her gained weight was healthy, and somehow the truth would help----then yes, I'd tell the truth. Do you see the difference?
And I noticed that your anger at your W keeps you veering off topic. You go from writhing in your constant worrying about her finding out you called, to blaming her or wanting her to take accountabillity for your own actions/feelings...I am sorry If I missed something on another thread, but you must Separate the issues to deal with them each individually. And yes, for a while it usually is only one person working on the M, until IF and when the other wants it to really work. Most people want to be in love and loving, IF they feel safe to do so...
For now, can you just say some prayers and realize that your worrying does not only NOT help, it actually makes things WORSE....honest to God, you must chill out. Turn things over to God, let him carry this for you for awhile... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Honestly mlc, you said it just right, Rocco be quiet, please. I am having to do all the work on my M for now, too. Most of us are. It is later that our spouses hopefully want to join in. You are not doing yourself any good getting so worked up over this, no good at all. So, please know she will not want to do anything to help for a time, so you can't force her with your anger or depression. We all know that tears, recriminations and begging do nothing except make them think we are pitiful and weak, and they don't want us then. so, please pray and take mlc's advice. L
My wife called me back and the DYFS guy left. She was upset that someone reported us but he couldn't tell her who did it. She told me DYFS asked her how she punishs the kids and she correctly told him that normally, they loose privliages. He asked her did we ever hit the kids and she said only on the behind. He asked her with a palm or a fist, and she said the palm. He asked her if she ever slapped them on the face and she lied and said NO. I told her that the reason I am not going to the Halloween Parade this Saturday with her family is I have my 1st phone consultation with a Divorce Busting Coach to try and save our marriage.
She said ok, and then said that her life is so hectic she has not had a chance to talk to a counsler. Two of them that were recommended didn't work because one is not in our network and the 2nd one moved away. I told her our Hospital has many therapist and she didn't respond.
I asked her if she had a chance to read Divorce Busting or Divorce Remeday and she said she didn't have the time. That hurt because she is not willing to put any time into our marriage, but I didn't say anything.
I have to go home now because the DYFS person will ask me the same questions. I will be honest but I am going to have to lie and say W never slapped my son in the face. I don't know what the consequences will be against me because now I am admitting to filing a falsified report.
Does anyone know how much trouble I can get into for this?
I forgot to mention that my W told me she still isn't sure if she wants a divorce. She still cooks for me and I am confused by her behavior. Can any shed some light on this?
First thing is “man-up” you are the leader in that house hold. You need to act like it! Your wife is acting out at you because she has to lead and don’t know or can’t do it but she is forced to. When she talks down at you she is looking for your spine! Come back at her! If she says to you your an a-hole, don’t say it back to her & don’t threaten her w/ I could leave or I should leave, come back with, “when your ready to discuss this like adults I’m ready to talk until then I’m not talking about this to you!” Then walk away, cool off don’t go back to apologize to her you did nothing wrong. Wait for her to come back to you and if she doesn’t come back with an attitude of an adult, wait her out & repeat you first statement. She wants to be subservient to you, but you still must respect her, & remember your son is watching, he is learning everything on how to be a man from you! You are showing him how to be a pushover! Read “frank_D”(’s) post
he man-uped and got his family back! & his wife cheated on him! You are not responsible for her happiness and she is not responsible for yours. About your IL’s they need to stay out of it, and tell her about them and stay strong! Do not disrespect her. If her B-IL comes at you with some BS respectfully give it back jokingly, they come at you because they have issues in them selves and putting you down makes them feel better (your wife included!) When you say to them you don’t want to talk about it that adds fuel to the fire. Turn it around ask them the questions put them on their guard, & when they answer, question their rights, ideas, & opinions! Watch how your wife reacts! Your wife’s abuse of your son, when you come correct to her as the man, she will straighten up with him also. Right now she feels like him & you need her to survive! How would you feel if you felt that everyone needs you to survive? (This may not be reality, but that is how she feels!) Go do something fun you & the kids w/ out her! Come back home happy and joking about what you did & see how she reacts. Show her that you can be fun with the kids, after a couple of time of you guys having fun she will want to join you! Ask the kids if they want to include her? If they say yes, come up with the ground rule on her behavior; (mostly on how she should act with you) if she breaks the rules, let her know what the consequences should be!) Mostly if she gives you vinegar, give her back honey, respectfully!!! and she will change, not over night but she will, be patience!
WAW 32 ME 38 D11, S9 & D2 Together 10/96 Married 4/2000 Bomb 4/2006 PA1 9/2006 PA2 11/2006 I now know I want out, With my Kids!!!
This is well thought advice. Manning-up, as you say, is the only way forward. I think Rocco is having trouble coming to that point of decision and change, where he doesn't look back, but presses forward knowing he is right. Your constructive advice should be followed, and it is similar to the course I am trying to take in my situation.
Rocco,
I think you are close. You took a step, but now the fear is causing you to want to take it back, or somehow get out of it. Slapping in the face is abuse. I told my wife not to do it again, and I told my son I would protect him from it. It has been a few years, and they are too big now for her to do it anymore. And this does not address the emotional abuse issues, which are also there. Rocco, without change, you children will grow up with a warped view of what relationships are. Trust me, I have seen it in my life. Without change, you will go on being miserable, and your wife will, too, for she is miserable now. You can't sit still, that took you to the brink before. You have to move forward. You set some things in motion, let them play out. Rocco, you are going to hurt. You are going to feel that you are the only one working on it. Don't dwell on it or your emotions about the situation, you have work to do, and feeling sorry for yourself will not get it. Don't let your wifes behavior hurt you, she is confused and broken in her style of relating to you and needs to be helped. Don't break trust by lying to preserve the status quo, say nothing except that you want to work on change, and invite her to work with you. Follow through on your therapy and counseling. It will be starting to become clear that a crisis is afoot - let her come to the conclusion that she needs to work with you if she is going to, and do things to make that a positive experience, as Alex says. You can get there. Do not sink to her level, stay above. Be strong as the man that you are, and insist on respect. Your kids need to see it.
Her verycrazy,
Thanks for staying in there with us. You do not come across as an uncaring person, and I think the future is bright for you one way or another. I hope it works out for you and your husband, I think you are turning around, and he still needs to in ways. Keep plugging.
do you read our posts? Seriously, I'd like to see an answer to THAT question just so I know I'm not writing for myself...in a vacuum....it's fine if you don't want the advice, or feel you cannot follow it. I just want to know you actually read these posts... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
