This is well thought advice. Manning-up, as you say, is the only way forward. I think Rocco is having trouble coming to that point of decision and change, where he doesn't look back, but presses forward knowing he is right. Your constructive advice should be followed, and it is similar to the course I am trying to take in my situation.
Rocco,
I think you are close. You took a step, but now the fear is causing you to want to take it back, or somehow get out of it. Slapping in the face is abuse. I told my wife not to do it again, and I told my son I would protect him from it. It has been a few years, and they are too big now for her to do it anymore. And this does not address the emotional abuse issues, which are also there. Rocco, without change, you children will grow up with a warped view of what relationships are. Trust me, I have seen it in my life. Without change, you will go on being miserable, and your wife will, too, for she is miserable now. You can't sit still, that took you to the brink before. You have to move forward. You set some things in motion, let them play out. Rocco, you are going to hurt. You are going to feel that you are the only one working on it. Don't dwell on it or your emotions about the situation, you have work to do, and feeling sorry for yourself will not get it. Don't let your wifes behavior hurt you, she is confused and broken in her style of relating to you and needs to be helped. Don't break trust by lying to preserve the status quo, say nothing except that you want to work on change, and invite her to work with you. Follow through on your therapy and counseling. It will be starting to become clear that a crisis is afoot - let her come to the conclusion that she needs to work with you if she is going to, and do things to make that a positive experience, as Alex says. You can get there. Do not sink to her level, stay above. Be strong as the man that you are, and insist on respect. Your kids need to see it.
Her verycrazy,
Thanks for staying in there with us. You do not come across as an uncaring person, and I think the future is bright for you one way or another. I hope it works out for you and your husband, I think you are turning around, and he still needs to in ways. Keep plugging.
