you set nothing in motion, your wife did when she hit your son. But I thought it was interesting that you also said, I think in the same post, that she does NOT abuse the kids, just You.....Ummmm, you might want to re-read that.... I don't know what it means, but it really struck me as something to think about. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The police said there is nothing he can do at this point.
DYFS just called me and I told him that I lied because my wife and I are in an unhappy marriage and I wanted to make it worse for her. He said he spoke to my kids (I told him I wished he had called me first before doing that) and asked them some questions and my daughter said she gets a pat on the behind but she is in no danger. He said my son didn't answer at all and was vague but it appeared to him that my kids are in no danger.
He has to investigate it though and told me someone has to visit our house. I told him I am trying to save my marriage and if you do that, it will sabatoge it. He said its confidential and we don't tell her who reported it. I said please its not necessary. We both love our kids and they love us and I am trying to save my marriage through therapy and this will ruin everything.
He will check with his supervisor and call me back.
I'm at work right now and feel like throwing up. I wish I were dead. Rocco
Again, my wife has hit my son like that, in reality 3 maybe 4 times so its not like she is beating him. She does it once then apologizes. I guess if DYFS goes through with it, my marriage is indeed over.
Sadly, my wife doesn't see this as abuse towards me and in fact feels justified.
Well, like they said they won't tell who reported it. Can you keep a secret? Or will it weigh you down so hard that you spill it? Let her think a neighbor told them. I am sorry that you are regretting the choice you made, but you need to see it through, now. If they don't see any danger, then it still has given her something to think about. Just don't tell her it was you that reported it. You are a very reactive person, and you need to stop take a breath and wait a few more minutes before you do or say anything. Good Luck L
Of course I will have to deny it but I don't have a good poker face and I will probably turn red in the face and my expression will give it away. I will say who the heck would do such a thing? You have been a great mother to them and I have been good father recently and I can't imgine who would do such a thing. But now I am pissed off and I am going to try to find out who reported it.
How about instead of bold faced lying, just say you believe all in all she is a very good mother who tries her best. If she ever goes too far, it still does not amount to "abuse" or things like that...Try being supportive to her and your son. Rather than working on avoiding something negative--focus on doing something positive...and again I ask, how is her hitting your son, abusing you??
Also, switch genders for a minute and imagine you are a woman and she is the husband, hitting one of the kids. Maybe not as hard as he can, but still doing it....I'm a woman, and I gotta say most of us would call it abuse and violence and that no mother should allow it to happen to her children. I wonder, and I mean that, I just wonder, if we are being very fair when we do that...
What would the rest of you say if Rocco was the wife/mother instead of the dad/H? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The last time she hit me was 3 years ago because I told her to take an exit on the NJ GSP and it was the wrong exit. I made a mistake.
If she calls me up at work about this, I am going to say:
1. Are you kidding me? 2. Who the hell would so such a thing, you have been a great mother to these children and I have been a good father recently. 3. I am going to call them and ask who reported it.
If she acuses me, I will say to her "I am trying to save my marriage through divorce busting, not sabatoge it and in fact I have my first phone consultation this Saturday at 10:00. (I did not plan on telling her about my consultation). I will then add, how stupid do you think I am (apparently, quite stupid). That really hurt for you to accuse me.
Your right. Hitting a child in the face, although you shouldn't do that, she has done it 3 or 4 times. I did tell the DYFS person that I lied to make it worse for my wife because I was angry.
I'm not saying to confess all....but has the lying helped you at all? Seems to me it just gets you in deeper.....and if she finds out you called AFTER you lie more about it, you will have ended the M by lying, not by reporting the hitting. You know, as long a there is work going on at controlling tempers and learning better parenting skills, the DFYS may well do nothing---they have bigger fish to fry. Stop freaking out. And imho, lying the way you are describing, will do more damage to your M than either shutting up, or if she finds out it was you, try explaining in a healthy Maritally supportive way, why you were the one. Let the DB coach help you with that...seriously. Stop the lies for now. I really am not moralizing--I'm warning you that it'll do more to undermine her trust in you than anything else you can do now... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I agree with mlc, you have not made things better by lying, you did it to get back at her. You have to be quiet now, and stop blurting things out to everybody you know. If you know how you will react just keep your mouth shut. For goodness sake take some advice for once, we know you are hurting and depressed, so you are reacting to everything in a major way without thinking anything through first. Hush, really, and stay out of her way, so you don't have to spill the beans to her as soon as she looks at you. And if you do come clean with her, tell her you were desperate for yall to get help. L
