Thanks for sharing and helping me as best you can. I don't know my wifes intentions either and like you, I only know how hurtful she has been to me throughout the years.
I spoke to the police officer this morning and told him I stretched the truth regarding my wife's abuse to my son. I told him my children love their mother very much and she loves them too.
I told the officer DYFS does not need to be involved because my W hit my Son one time in the face (actually, its about 3 or 4 times) and I over-reacted my own hurtful feeling to punish my wife. I am trying to save my marriage and have my first session this Saturday to try and save it (if it can be saved). By reporting this to DYFS, it just sabotaged my intentions to save it. Unfortunatly he had to report it. I just hope DYFS calls my cell phone and not my home phone.
I told him because of what happened last night with my discussion with him, I could not get to sleep at all, and I doubled my meds last night and took 2 pills of Ambien (a sleeping pill, 20mg) to go to sleep and 2 pills of my anti-depressent ( which is supposed to relax me and still had trouble getting to sleep.
I am starting to feel the pressure in my mind and in my body that I felt when I attempted suicide this past June. I have no appetite and have lost about 12 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I'm 5'9" tall and weigh 155 lbs so its not that I need to loose the weight.
My wife is not abusive to the kids, only to me. But she feels justified in her words because I make her do it by stressing her out.
If I had the same behavior as my wife and treat her like she has treated me over the years, I would hope I would get arrested. All she does is correct me for everything I do that I know I can't make her happy. The divorce busting book says the 1st person to make you happy is you.
There is a big differnce between my wife and I. When I came home from the hospital from a suicide attempt this past June, she wanted to have a conversation about our relationship that Friday night. From her end, she tells me that nothing she does makes me happy and we should file for divorce. At that time, I told her you're probably right. I could tell she was holding back tears. Well we talked for about 20 minutes or so, and I did a lot of the talking which is unusual. I told her I don't like being around her family because they make me sad and feel bad about myself when I am in their company. Worse, it turns me into a person I don't want to be. Some members of your family are just too toxic for me to be around.
Secondly, I said to her we can't even have a discussion about anything if there is a difference of opinion. I said, you brought up a discussion about a book I read (she did not read it) written by Kevin Tradeau (spelling incorrect) about pharmaceutical companies and how its all about the money and they don't care if the patient lives or dies. W told my he has been sued by these companies, yada yada yada. I told her because I didn't agree with you and I didn't agree with everything in the book, you felt it your right to call me "F%%%in Stupid." I don't do that to you. She defends herself saying that I was trying to change her opinion. I said that was not true and if it was, I still didn't cuss you out.
I ended the conversation by telling her that I hated her for putting me through so much torture that I had to be hospitalize.
That night (of course we are sleeping separately) I couldn't get to sleep. By the next morning in reliving our conversation, I realzie that telling her I hated her for what she did to me was very wrong.
That Sunday, I wanted to talk to her after we put our children to bed and I told her that I was very sorry for telling her I hated her. I told her I went to confession the day before and told the priest the same thing. I was upset and angry at her at the time.
She told me that I really did hurt her by that remark. I said I know and I am truly sorry about that. I then added, that throughout the years of our marriage, you have told me, several times "I really Hate you right now." I said the 1st time she said that was in about the 3rd year of our marriage (no kids, no house at the time, living in a condo) and I remember holding my emotions in until I got in the car and cried all the way home, I even stopped by our church where it was quiet and cried there too. I told her I told my mother and mom only told me they are just words.
My wife said words do hurt and I agreed. The difference is she never, ever even attempted to say she was sorry, not when she said it and not during our discussion.
Now I am I supposed to feel when she behaves that way? Its clear to me that my wife hasn't loved me for years. Why she still makes me dinner is beyond me. I told her this past August that she doesn't care for me at all at least since my son was born.
