Hi. This is not about blame, its about change. And, yes, it is about 'getting a life', because you can get into the situation where your 'life' is taken from you if you allow it.
But I don't think the situation boils down to stay for the kids or leave. I submit Rocco should not 'stay for his kids' - his kids are growing up in an abusive atmosphere that needs to change for them, one way or the other.
Do I want a place to justify my desire to leave my marriage? No, because, first, I need to understand what I want and who I am as a person before knowing that that is the right outcome. As I have said, I will not leave my marriage, if that is the outcome, from a position of weakness, but from one of strength. I will first work on seeing myself as a whole person not as one who has allowed himself to be beaten down into something less.
Should we look in the mirror - of course. Are we perfect - of course not. But, is our behavior clearly abusive? No, I would say that there do exist lines which should not be crossed, that when they are abuse has occured. These are fairly consistent between sources - look them up. In the case of Rocco and myself here, I would submit there are clear cases of abusive relationships. And there is no evidence I see in either myself or Rocco's case that we ourselves have done abuse - I know I have not.
So, yes we should apply introspection but no, I don't see this as misunderstanding of intentions. I don't know my wifes intentions, I do know her hurtful behavior.
