Wow, the details are different and your case is more extreme, but there are many similarities to my home. My sons tell me my wife used to slap them until they got about 14 years old and told her they would call the police unless it stopped. I have also been belittled, but we don;t have much family or friend contact so not so much in front of other people. Aperson like this can take something that should be a life joy and totally ruin it. For example, when I got a big promotion and a raise, my wife did not even want to tell my kids about it, because they might get greedy about spending the money and she has always hated my job. She was very adamant saying 'promise me you won't tell them'. I have taken to just communicating with them directly myself and getting her out of the loop completely. Another example - when my Mother died a couple of years ago, my wife did not want to spend the money for her and the kids to come to the funeral. They all sat home, as I was 800 miles away and could not force her to bring them. I had travelled up previously to her bedside as she went into her final crisis, not knowing how it would turn out, and I remained there to help plan the funeral. Plus I was grieving, and in no shape to fight it with her. I had to make a lame excuse and work hard to patch it up with my Dad (my brother still has not forgiven it).
My wife is not one to swear (though she has in the past) - her techniques are more low key. Sighing, disapproval, critical comments - I once counted 30 critical comments in about 2 hours before I gave up and quit counting - the entire content of the communication is often just one after the other.
In dealing with it, Rocco, write it all down, like you are here. Give it to God, and ask Him to bear it for you. Then start to look for little positive steps you can take to assume a position of strength. Get into position where, emotionally, they cannot hurt you anymore. They you will have the clarity to leave or stay and work, whatever is right.
