W family never saw her hit my son in the face. They have seen how cruel she is. I remember 3 years ago this past June we were celebrating my kids birthday since they are born 25 months apart. I had the job cooking on the grill. My wife gave me some vegtables (Zuchinni, onions, etc.) to put on the grill. The veggies were in a aluminan sealed bag, which I though quite odd. Anyway, when she gave me the bag, I open the bag and started to put them on the grill. My wife screamed and swore at me in front of her family and my mom, my brother and his family. Her mother consoled her. I told her this past August when we werre discussing our relationship (she brought it up, not me) that I didn't appreciate you belittling me in front of the family. I didn't know that you intended to want the veggies steamed. She said, I should have asked, once again, put the responsibility on me. I said that when my brother saw it, he said to me "That would never happen in my house." My wife said, well, your brother's wife is afraid of him. I said, no, because when I responded to my brother with "why that wouldn't happen in his house, he said, "Because we don't talk to each other that way, especially in front of other people." I said, I made a mistake, and my brother said, "that is no reason to loose control, its not like you put the kids on the grill, its just veggies." My mother was shocked too, but my W's mom consoled her poor baby.
I have been treated that way for years, be at their house or my house, it doesn't matter. When the Divinci Code came out, they would throw it in my face, and for almost 3 years, I said I really don't want to talk about this, please move on to something else, I am not interested, etc. One time I said please 7 times in one day. I told my W I am getting sick of this. They don't respect me enough to knock it off. Personally, I find the book, although fiction, offensive because the way it portrays Jesus. If I were to talk about something to someone and they told me I am not interested, I wouldn't bring up the subject again. But my FIL and BIL kept at it. Once again, this past June I was cooking on the grill for the families with the same people for my kids birthday's. I was on the deck with my brother talking about baseball and the Yankees because we are both fans. My BIL comes out with my other BIL on my W's side and he brings up with that smirk on his face, "Did I and my W go to the movies to see the Davinci Code?" Once again, I said, please, I don't want to talk about this. Then he tells me that I should have an open mind. That pissed me off because I don't like to be told from these people what I need or don't need so I just said No, I don't need to have an open mind. Then he starts up again. For about 10 minutes or so, both BIL's wouldn't stop although one of them did stop after a few minutes. But the other one kept at it. Finally, I said, "Look, I can make it personal too, and then its going to get ugly, and I will be happy to oblige you." Then he shut his mouth.
Later in the evening, it comes to my attention from my W that the BIL told his W (my wife's sister) that I was very rude and harsh to him (again, this is at my house), I hurt his feelings and ruined his day (poor baby, grow up). I told my wife how it all happened but she is telling me I owe him an apology. That is when I lost it. My feelings don't count and I am not allowed to have any. The BIL is just a wuss and can't stand that I stood up to him, after 3 years.
Then my W runs into the other BIL and asked who started it (she didn't believe me) and the other BIL said that they brought up the Divinci Code. So my W gets involved and calls her sister and tells her if I would apologize for my rude behavior (which I was not rude) would the BIL apologize for bringing it up. My SIL said no, that all the way home, he was cursing and swearing in front of their 4 and 2 year old.
During the week, my W is acusing me of causing a rift in the family and have a man to man talk. I said we are a man short. A few days later, she told me if I would apologize, maybe my BIL would forgive me (as if I gave a s%%%). I told her can I tell him how he made me feel? She said no and that her family expects me to apologize for my behavior.
The next day, I attempted suicide and was in the hospital for 5 days. I feel like a rape victim who is guilty. I was in the hospital on Father's Day too.
I graduated from college this May with honors with a BS in Accounting and invitations were sent out for my party 3 weeks prior to Father's Day. But two days after my kids birthday party (two weeks prior to Father's Day), I started calling my family and friends and cancelled the party because I was in no mood and why and I told them about my W behavior.
My sister, who was married to an alcholic said that when her boyfrind met my wife the first time, his comment was "Boy is she full of herself." I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't bring myself to tell her I love her and walk away because I don't love her. Quite frankly, I don't even like her. In the hospital they told me that I married someone like my grandmother (I grew up with my paternal grandparents because my family was poor) who used to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse me and my mother.
I know if I didn't suffer from such low self-esteem when I was growing up, I wouldn't have married her. But people like me are used to this because its what they are comfortable with and don't know of any other way.
I don't know what it would be like to have a woman who loves me for me. Even though they don't accept me, I am learing to accept myself and like myself too. I learned from Divorce Busting that we shouldn't continue to improve ourselves because we don't accept ourselves. We all make mistakes, we're human.
Thanks again for your concern and it means a lot to me.
