Hey Unhappy, I hope we can all figure some of this crap out together, hopefully some others on both side of this issue will jump in with some advice for all of us, and maybe one of the experts will jump in, too. I hope the rest of your day was pleasant.
Rocco, I honestly can't understand how a whole family is the way they are. Have any of them ever seen how she treats you when you too are in your house? Have they ever seen her slap the 11 year old? I can't imagine slapping my 13 year old S. I used to get angry whe he was a little younger, when he acted up and would spank him, but slapping is crossing a line not to be crossed. At 11, she should mostly ignore the bad attitude of his, because he sometimes does stuff he doesn't mean to do, I'm sure. My S will seem very sullen at times, and I will let him be, he always comes out of it after awhile.
You are right you do have to forgive them, Jesus said seventy times seven, which really means endless times. what do you mean your FIL is angry because he can't convince you that Jesus and the Gospel are crap? Is he an atheist? That would be hard to deal with. My FIL and MIL are believers somewhat, but my FIL dumped his fiance over fifty years ago, because she got saved and tried to influence him to change. And they can't stand for anyone to say things about their lack of going to church or anything like that, or criticizing my FIL because he makes his own wine. So, I tread carefully around them. I just thank God that we have brought our S up in the church where I was saved twenty years ago. He is talking about getting baptized, so I don't think FIL and MIL would ever criticize HIS religion and beliefs. My H has attended the same church as long as I have, but nothing has penetrated his heart, even though he knows God's word.
I think your therapist says some hurtful things to you saying you would be called a n$%%^&. That surely ain't helping your frame of mind. Maybe the next time your W spews out the vile things at you, you could say I Love You, sweetheart, and walk away. Remember it heaps coals on their heads for you to meet hatred with love. It may not work, but it may shut her down momentarily.
Next time she says I have seen you through your surgeries, unemployment, etc, tell her that in your vows it said in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, so she ain't a saint for doing what God said to do anyway.
I understand you sometimes wishing she were to suffer a physical ailment, so she could then understand, I have sometimes wished God would give my H a physical ailment or an illness, so I would have to take care of him, and could show him that I would devote all my hours to his well-being. He thinks I wouldn't care enough to do that, but I would. He has forgotten whenever he has been sick, I go out of my way to fix things to make him feel better, give him medicine and gatorade, and whatever he wants or needs. I guess that is part of his MLC, to forget these things and remember only the bad, but I am trying to show him the good is there and I am bringing it back.
Unhappy, I hope that when you read all this from just today, you can help Rocco with some of the stuff that has helped you to cope, he sounds so dang sad. I guess we are all here to help each other. L