My W behavior started to get controlling when we bought our home in 1991. We were married in 1987. After my son was born, her behavior got worse. Neither my W or her family sees nothing wrong with their behavior so by me trying to sit her down and explain it to her would only set off a time bomb. The W and her family think believe she is a martyr to live with me.
My w keeps repeating the same story of "I have seen you through your surgeries, your unemployment, blah, blah, blah. Then when I finally had had enough, I explode because I have a passive/aggressive behavior. And then they act surprised that I do this. My W doesn't see that she is destroying me because she believes she is a saint and is perfect. When she really looses it, her favorite expression is "Jesus F%%%%in Christ." She will use this expression in front of my children. Thankfully, the children have started to swear yet. And to top it off, she is a hypocrite teaching CCD classes for 1st graders and instructing them on the 10 Commandments.
She believes in Christian kindness, but not to me. I would love to invite the priest over but that would do no good. We have seen a therapist on 3 separate occassions but she would go once or twice and that was it. The therapist said she can't handle constructive criticism.
My W and her family have this notion that they have to improve me. Quite frankly, I don't need to be improved by people who believe that they are perfect. I don't want to be anything like them because then I would give up my integrity. I love my kids, I do christian work for my church by playing Santa for the poor in my town and help deliver food and toys and reciting the poem "Night before Christmas. I help cook Thanksgiving meals for the poor in our parish who wouldn't have a Turkey dinners. I am beginning to like myself and accept myself even though my W and her family won't do that.
All I want is to be treated with common courtesy and I treat people the way I want to be treated. That is what I told my therapist. My therapist said that if my W was married to a black man, they would call me a N%%%%%. I accept people for who and what they are. Yet her Dad gets angry because he can't convince me the Gospel and Jesus is full of Crap. They get angry that I vote different then they do. Yet I am the one on anti-depressents and these people are just plain evil. Sometimes, I wish God would permit my W to suffer some major physical ailment in her body. Maybe that would wake her up.
I wish my wife was more like you. At least you have the compassion and are not proud enough to admit you have done anything wrong to your husband. That goes along way. Husbands want to be appreciated just like wives do. My wife gets angry at me because she said I am not thankful for what I have. I have 2 great kids and I live with an abusive witch. If I had been smart, I should have called the police and put a restraining order on her. When she gets angry at my son, who at age 11 is very defiant, she severely slaps him across the face, he cries, his face is red and then he goes upstairs. She apologizs but will repeat the process.
I have had to forgive my W and her family even though they won't apologize to me. My W will not forgive me because I got angry at her. I am still angry at them, but I know I have to fully forgive them because that is what Jesus would want.
Thanks for caring. You appear to be a loving person who wants to make her marriage work, like I do, and believe marriage is a committment. However, I can't save my marriage if my W doesn't change her behavior. I am not trying to change it because I have no control.
I will be leaving work shortly and I hope to hear from you again. Keep making your changes that you have to do. When my W continues to swear and yell at me, I completely ingnore her and ask Jesus to protect me and avenge me against the devil.
