you're right there is nothing loving about control, the controlled person does not have the freedom to be himself. I realize that and what he considers my controlling ways were never to the extreme of what you and rocco have said. I would never dream of harming him physically. Neither of us is violent to each other. One time, about twenty years ago, we were driving somewhere with family members, and he said something, and I playfully smacked the back of his head, and his hair kinda flew forward. My sister laughed about me knocking his "do", but H realy got upset about it and mentioned this one incident the other week. I told him I had been playing, everyone laughed and I never meant to upset him over it. That is how it has been with him during this, he has dredged up all sorts of incidents that I thought were forgotten or I didn't remember, to explain his reasoning for his resentment and loss of love. If you two can think of any thing that can be done to make him see that I have no intention of ever controlling him ever again, please tell me. I even got him to sign S's report card and other papers. H was actually surprised, because he said he had only signed one or two report cards ever of S's. I told him he is the leader, so he should sign. I know these are just tiny inconsequential things, but if I can do the small things, maybe he will really be happy about the bigger things.
Rocco, I hope you can find some strength to stay away from her toxic family, because I'll say the one thing she obviously didn't do when she married you was to leave her parents and cleave unto you, because you are her family now, you and your kids, not your parents nother parents. That is one thing I would never do is take the side of my parents over my H. I know he has taken my side over his parents in the past, which is how it should be. Maybe the priest could talk to the whole family and set them all straight on these issues, cause a suicide attempt is a horrible thing to do. My siters H killed himself about ten years ago, because of depression brought on by alcoholism. M H's cousin's H tried to kill himself a few years ago.
UninAZ, maybe when she starts talking about herself, you can turn the conversation around to the two of you, so she won't keep thinking the world revolves around just her. I hope she has stopped hitting the kids, because they don't need to be hit. I hope, too you and she can get to a counsellor that can help you two. Good Luck. L