Man, what a depressing story. And there are similarities, too many for me to be comfortable. My wife never hit me, but she has resorted to demeaning physical contact (like pinching me when I tried to shut out the verbal abuse) in the past. My wife did slap my sons until they said they would call the police if she did it again. Lately she has mellowed on the physical stuff, but still, every single conversation with a person like these is always about them, them, them. Their disappointments, their troubles, how you have not pleased them, how you need to act differently for them. We went to one marriage counseling session together, once, and afterward I got the fifth degree- it was 17 years ago and it still hurts to think about it today, even though I have forgiven it.
Get 'Nasty People' by Jay Carter, and read it. Don't let her invalidate you to the brink like she has. Nasty people employ invalidation - trying to make you be less than a person in their eyes, to establish their control. There are some ways to deal with it. Don't become an invalidator yourself. If you know your are OK and believe it, she won't be able to hurt you. Remember her problems are hers, they do not make you less. Be on your guard, my friend.
