You know I think that we who are so insecure sometimes hurt or try to control those we love, because we are afraid to let them get really close, because when we do, they leave or hurt us.

My H has not spent time forgiving the hurts, because he says he doesn't know if he can ever forgive. We go to church and Sunday school every week, and for the past few months, since I found out about ow, the lessons have been on building strong families, prayer, and things like that. I know he is hearing all the lessons on how wrong D is, and we should work on our marriages, but I don't know if it is getting through to him yet. sometimes, I think so. I don't think he prays. He just says things like God wants him to be happy. I tell him I do too.

I have forgiven him for his EA, even though he said he didn't want my forgiveness, and said he isn't sorry. Yet at times he has said he didn't mean to hurt me. Then he will say he didn't want me to find out that he was just going to walk out one day. Well, I am glad I found out, because I was totally clueless, and it was a wakeup call for me.

You said you have a hard time drawing the line between an EA and a friendship, but my H and the ow wrote lots of cards and letters to each other, talking about a future together. H said they had not had sex, but in the letters they talked about embracing, and spending time together. She wants him and is willing to wait for him. I have that to contend with, even though H says that he dumped someone very special, to work on our M. I want to believe it, but evidence from several weeks ago shows otherwise.

I can only hope as he becomes more confident in taking over the reins from me, and feels like my changes are real, he will decide our M is worth saving.

I know that your making a decision on the car is only a small step, but it is a step. When you do more stuff, and she sees that you are not going to take her crap, maybe she will see you as a strong man she can't control anymore.

You are right, it is not all my fault about EA, or the other stuff, but he says it is, and I have to accept that for now till he begins to see that he has played a part, too.

Tell me, what other steps can you take to make her see that you aren't playing, that you want to take a more active part in doing things? And is she resistant to the things you are doing? Is she starting to come around on some of them? L