Actually, I have always been insecure. I have never felt like a winner at anything, I always felt on the outside of things growing up with an abusive stepfather, and a mother who was unavailable emotionally. I always related myself with the Velveteen rabbit, who wasn't real till somebody loved him. When I met my H, I felt real for the first time ever, and if I lose him I might as well go back to not being real again. My H says I have emotionally and mentally abused him. He says it is all part of the controlling I did. I honestly didn't see it as abusive, but if he feels that way, then he feels that way, and I am willing to work on never doing that again either. I am trying to build his self-esteem, and tell him ragularly how proud I am of him and I admire him for who he is. He says it seems not genuine for the most part. I guess since it has only been three months since I found out about ow and EA, maybe it hasn't had time to sink in to him that I sincerely want to change. Tell me what could you tell your wife that would make her want to change? I hope it's not a horrible wake up call that I got, cause that is one more awful thing to deal with. By you taking control of the car buying situation, she saw a side of you that she didn't expect. Maybe when you do more of the same, she will begin to see that she can no longer run over you. That's how I feel, if my H were to be stronger and more assertive, I would get to be more passive, which is what I would really like. L
