It sounds like you are sincere in wanting to make things better. I don't think you have the same deep insecurity issues my wife has. I think you probably have not engaged in verbal abuse, but you and your husband have fallen in to a pattern of interacting over the years that has resulted in this situation. The fact that you are here, trying to find out what you need to do, is telling. Your husband probably really does not know what he needs to do to step up. I guess he really needs for you to express that you respect and admire him more than anything. Let him know you respect what he does, respect his boundaries, affirm him for what he is, let him know he is doing a great job at the things he does. As his esteem builds, he will start to step up, perhaps.
