Okay, my sitch is a lot like yours. I found out my H was having an EA three months ago. It is with ow who is a few years older than him. I told him I would forgive him and wanted to work on the M.. He said he holds a lot of resentment for me, because I was controlling. I told him I no longer wanted control. What I didn't tell him was that when we were first together, he knew I had a lack of confidence and self-esteem, and he built me up and when we got M, he helped me become more confident. Then he turned everything over to me. I became a controlling person, when I got so much more confident in our M. I kept waiting for him to step in and take control more, but he didn't. I would have loved for him to be more assertive as the leader of our house, but he would defer to me alot. I would say when it was time to but new appliances, or I would haggle over the price of a car. I enjoyed some of this, but I always knew in my heart, he was the leader, not me, and I wanted to be more passive, but it got to be that he would always say whatever when a decision had to be made. We talked about colors to paint the house, and he said it would be my way most likely. I said what color would you like. he said I don't know. so, with no input or opinion on his part, we did nothing, and the house still needs painting, the siding needs repair, the AC needs coolant. Now we can't afford all these things at once, so I thought we could do some things ourselves and save money, but he isn't interested in anything except keeping the grass cut. So, over the years we have sometimes neglected each other and he has apparently resented me silently for the most part, although he said if I had come after him sometime, I would have seen him crying. I feel so bad about all this. If my H were like you and really wanting to work at saving the M (he says he is trying), I would be so happy. I don't want to be in control, I want to be the wife, not the H. I want his decisions to be what we do. I want a strong man as my H. I told him I give up control to him. Please take it, but he is so reluctant to decide on anything right now. Since you are on the other side of this, please give me your insight on this, and what a W can do actively to help her H see that she wants him to be the leader. I will admit when he has taken control somewhat in the past few weeks, I have admired him so much for it. Thanks for reading this, and I hope some insight can come from both sides to help us both. L