My program now is to first begin by taking control of the things I need to, like the money, the car, etc. My wife can either come along for the ride and pull some fast 180s, or she will watch me disappear into the sunset. I will support her to go to counseling with me if she wants to reverse course. Verbal abuse will be met with a firm 'no, we aren't going to do that anymore'.
Once the boys observe a little firmness and the control issues are dealt with, I will reevaluate the situation. I don't want to slink away from my home from a position of weakness. I will end the marriage, if necessary, from a position of strength. If my wife wants a man like that, we will see if anything is workable at that point. If she doesn't, well, I can't imagine someone else falling in love with a wimp, so I better learn to not act like one in any case.
For my first step, I announced it was time to get a car, and bought it. She chose to be a part of the process rather than just watch me do it, so that was a good outcome.
