Quote: GH, I apologize in advance for the mini hijack...
Never a problem Mama, especially for you!
Quote: H and I are getting along great in all other areas, it is killing me not being desired by him.
This is a tough one, as it has always been in your sitch and mine because it means eventually you'll have to get to the root of what's causing the LD. In your H's case, it still very well could be the guilt and general bad feelings caused by what he did.
Quote:
I have really never been the initiator in our M except for maybe the first year. How do I express my desire for H without it looking like too little, too late or that I am being desperate and needy?
My STRONG opinion on this is that you just express how you feel, what YOU want. As I have said, the HUGE difference in my R with my W now versus before all this, is that she is 100% open about what she wants because she knows I will be...and because I WAS first.
It's like she needed permission to be dirty or something. Also, in order to be perceived as a sexual person, you have to actually BE one. That was big for me too. Sex to me was something I did from time to time but it wasn't something I WAS at any point.
I guess my advice, as I've given before, is to just express yourself. Tell him, IN DETAL, what you want from him and hell, if he won't give it to you, maybe that night in bed, you give it to yourself.
Make him understand that this isn't something you're doing to try to win him back, or something you're trying to change in the hopes it will improve your marriage. This is something that you WANT, almost NEED as a woman and if it's taken you this long to figure that out, oh well, but that past is the past and now you know you have urges, needs and desires you didn't understand before.
Be the instigator. Take charge and see what he does.
The sad, sad truth that we don't talk about much here, and even when we do, we deny a lot of the time, is that our spouses may have had some good, hot $ex with OP and the thought (once they get past the guilt, etc) of going back to the same old mundane $ex with us is not exactly a turn on. We spent YEARS finding creative ways to turn them off for SO long.
I know in my case, I had to make several 180's in this department and learn from her reaction to them before I found the keys that started her engines again.
Maybe for you it's talking dirty to him, or just taking his hand and putting it somewhere. Maybe it's a note left on the fridge, or just a look. The bottom line is that you have to change THIS area of your life just as much as you have all the rest...maybe even more. And, like all the rest of the changes, this one probably rests with you to start.
