Thanks for the congrats. I finally think it's real. It SEEMS like things are going well. There are still all the issues we had before this but one by one, I think we are both committed to working through each of them.
I know I was probably in ALL of those "zones" either all at once or at least once each in my trials and tribulations here. It's natural to get into those ruts and much less natural to pull out of them, but that's just what we all have to do if we are to succeed in this DB thing.
Good ol' GH....man how this year has certainly changed for the better for you and your W.
I found myself reading through your thread today, and it never ceases to amaze me the transformation you made from your first post to now. Truly, the nickname Grasshopper, should be changed to Sensei at this point.
As usual, you provide sound advice and oftentimes I find myself coming back to your posts for refresher courses. Do I see a nomination for moderator in your future
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I don't have a current one....I'll try to remedy that tomorrow!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Gh...you are a wonderful person and your story helps so many along this road.
I had a day today and if you get the chance I wouldn't mind you hopping by or posting here.
I'm at a loss and truly see the negative and positive in the whole thing. I believe that seeing both is probably good. I hate to beg on your thread but my name is fitting of me today!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
Oh boy.. are you tempting the lock monster? I just suggested that kpstan look up your threads. So, I'm bumping you up so he can find ya! BTW, I follow along and just have to say that you're an inspiration. Not a deity but good news stories on the board are priceless!
Speaking of good news stories, GH, do you think it would be helpful to post your story on the "another divorce busted" forum?? I remember reading through those early on in my sitch for inspiration and maybe your story could reach out to those who need that. Then again, since you become like the DB deity around here, maybe everyone already know's your story Just a thought.......
..and here, I can always say....I knew him when........
Last edited by PArob; 12/04/0601:33 PM.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I feel ok with the idea that my divorce has indeed been busted but I think someone else posts those, right? Anyway, yea, I guess a lot of folks around these parts know my story and if not, it ain't hard to run across one of the thousands of threads I seem to have generated in all this mess.
I had a really interesting experience the other night. I think it was Saturday night and both my W and I had long days. I didn't expect, nor did I particularly want to ML that night (ok, hold back your venom...I know how bad that sounds after all this...trust me, it will get worse as the story goes on...sorry in advance) since we've been doing it VERY often lately (see, told ya so).
SO, I went to bed before W, not for any reason but just because I was tired and she still had a few things to do, and I secretly found myself almost wishing her to come to bed a bit later...then it hit me like a 1000 tons of bricks.
I was having deja-vu. I had that feeling before but I couldn't place it. I could have sworn I'd done this before.
The brick was that I realized that I WAS THE ONE ALL THESE YEARS THAT DIDN'T WANT TO ML AS MUCH, NOT MY W. Holy crap.
What I was feeling Saturday night was the same exact feeling I had MANY, MANY, MANY nights of our marriage. I was tired and not very interested in $ex so instead of being direct about it and saying I was tired, etc, I tried to project those feelings on her, assuming she was tired, didn't want to ML, etc. Then, when she came to bed, probably feeling nothing of the sort and things "happened" my heart wasn't in it and things went badly.
Still, I managed to put that on her. In my head, it was always her making me initiate that was the problem, or her general lack of "participation" that caused the experience to be less than great.
Never did it occur to me until two nights ago, that MY attitude and MY level of desire could be to blame for much of our strain in the bedroom.
OMG.
I can only see this now because of how different things have been since we've started MLing again. I am full of desire and expressing that. She is returning the favor but it's MY desire, MY passion, that is the catalyst for much of that. I don't mind that at all. Notice I said CATALYST, not reason. I jump start her sometimes but she's more than equally participating once going. Then there are those more and more frequent times when she actually initiates...wow.
What bothers me is how, all this time I was so sure it was HER that caused all our issues. It was HER SD that was the issue. So not only was I maybe not stepping up to the plate so-to-speak, but I was not being honest to her OR me about it when I didn't.
Wow. Talk about passive/aggressive.
BTW, I KNOW it was not 100% my fault but as we always talk about, DB and growing in general is about SELF-discovery and you can't "self-discover" someone else.
GH
P.S. BTW, because of my realization, I decided to actually THINK about what I wanted and I discovered that I was foolish to pass up a roll in the sack with my beautiful wife, as I'm sure you were all thinking there in the beginning...so I didn't pass it up.
I just suggested that kpstan look up your threads. So, I'm bumping you up so he can find ya! BTW, I follow along and just have to say that you're an inspiration. Not a deity 
but good news stories on the board are priceless!