Quote: Isn't there a fine line between being direct and being needy? This part confuses me. I don't know exactly how to be direct with my W. She knows where I stand and I just otld her the other day that this is something she wants and she has to do it.
In the past I would beg, plead and borrow to get what I needed out of her. She has recognized that and tells me that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore.
Yes and no. I think being direct and being needy are VERY different, and it's all in the delivery.
Being direct is all about CLEARLY stating what YOU want and NOT what you expect. It's not about CONTINUING to beg, plead, ect. to get what you NEED. Learning to take care of your NEEDS yourself is key in this. Don't expect her to do that for you, in any way. She has to give you what you need, you can't try to take it.
Don't beg, plead or borrow, simply, and singularly, state what you want and leave it at that.
Quote: The focus has become more about me and less about her but, my focus can be on her and the OM all too often. Not directly to her, but subconsciously.
I get the "lurking OM" syndrome but you just have to more and more force these thoughts from your head.
Quote: My issue becomes whether or not it is worth the wait. Like you stated. Why would I want to focus my attention on someone who doesn't want me? What good does it do me to keep hanging on? I would love for reconciliation, but I don't see it happening.
Ok, and how does this make you different from her? She doesn't see it happening either.
You keep hanging on because you WANT THIS. You keep hanging on because you love her. You keep hanging on because you believe what's possible is worth the fight. Is it? I think so.
You have to learn to be more positive. I know that's a stretch but if indeed, you're going to give up, do it from a position of power. Decide it's really what you want and then don't regret it. If it's truly what's best for you, the go, but do it with strength and conviction.
If you think the right thing to do is to stay and fight for this marriage, then do THAT with the same strength and conviction. Either way, you get to be the man who starts living up to his potential and makes strides to become better.
