This was posted to Sven's thread but I wanted to preserve it so I am going to paste it here...but I replied on his...er...well, maybe I'll paste my reply here too. Damn this is complicated!
Quote: GH,
Lol, you are getting as cranky as me In truth, a very big part of your success comes from your willingness to look for the most you can get out of a post, even if you disagree with it at the time. In those cases, sometimes you might find yourself changing your mind, in other cases not. But, you still took as much as possible from the posts. Indeed, when something makes you uncomfortable or angry in a post, you seem to take special care to absorb it and give it careful consideration. Sure, at times you get defensive (who doesn't), but you have always come right back to the subject matter that made you defensive and worked through it, rather than letting the initial defensive reaction be a barrier to progress.
A lot of folks on the boards are stuck in their comfort zone, though the zone often doesn't look too comfy. Let's see. We can identify:
the long suffering righteous spouse zone the I'm-so-healthy-admire-me-don't-notice-my-weaknesses zone the victim zone the poor-me-I'll-never-trust-or-love-anyone-again zone the no-one-else-gets-my-sitch zone the I'm-right-WAS-is-wrong zone the oh-my-the-depth-of-my-love-can-only-be-proven-by-total-self-sacrifice-and-martyrdom-on-my-part zone the OP-is-the-evil-source-of-my-problems zone the S-is-crazy-I-am-too-wonderful-for-words zone ...or its close relative... the S-is-crazy-why-doesn't-my-condescending-pity-for-S-bring-S-home zone. the I-can't-base-my-decisions-on-how-to-take-care-of-my-own-happiness-based-on-what-is-actually-happening-because-that-would-mean-it-is-actually-happening zone AKA the ostrich-head-in-sand zone the I-can't-be-happy-without-S zone the passive-aggressive-what-a-wonderful-spouse-I-am-I-will-hurt-you-in-a-thousand-invisible-ways-to-extract-my-revenge zone the when-will-S-finally-rescue-me zone and, finally, the nearly universal and usually combined with other zones, the I-can't-detach-to-give-S-space-to-grow-and-learn-what-S-wants-for him/herself-because-I-am-too-needy-and-scared-although-I-say-it-is-because-I-can't-love-S-and-be-detached zone
Your secret to success, GH, is that you were NOT all about staying in your comfort zone. It is for that reason that you profited by being shaken up a bit now and then So, if you want to figure out where your posts will be most profitable for others, look for those people who actually get shaken up and challenge you and themselves, rather than those that elicit only defensive, polite, or placating reactions.
BTW, it is great to see you flourishing. We were down your way over TG and caught the "chilly" weather.
Best, Oldtimer
Response:
While I don't really like to make light of people because I KNOW the pain they feel but I also know it took getting my a$$ kicked by NYS, Frank, SS, you and others before I really started DOING something about my sitch other than wallowing in it, and trust me, I was REALLY good at wallowing!
Thanks for the compliments. As I said earlier today, I owe a lot of my success to you and your "pushing me out of my comfort zone." Even when you were the biggest b!tch in the world, as I thought you were at times (right before I realized you were right, lol), you ALWAYS helped move forward and would never settle for me being stagnant.
You knew what I needed in my sitch LONG before I did and your patience with me will never go unnoticed.
