Moving forward...GH Saga moves to Piecicing!

[Tiara Boy (CM)]

I was going to qoute what you posted here, but I figured it would be a lonnnng post. I will try to summerize as best as I can.

The No Control/powerlessness is something I have been working on and doing fairly well with. I've had to deal with this in my addictions and now w/ my W. I have been getting a lot better at dealing with this outwardly, but inwardly things still bother me until I talk about them or type about them. When I put it into words it helps me get it off my chest.

I have been learning and practicing to not react. I believe I am getting better. Or at least I am trying to. I have noticed a little difference in my W's response and I believe she is trying to get a reaction out of me by some of her comments and actions.

I think my blaming is more an acceptance issue within myself. When I'm in the "I accept things as how they are" mood, I do a lot better. If I'm not at peace with how things are, then I become angry. That was my issue this morning. I was in limbo with how things were. I'd had a bad dream. A dear friend lost his grandmother. Of course all these things are just me trying to place blame on other things.

She might need her rest and according to the phone call I had with her this morning. But, and I shouldn't care...she is obviously fine in the evenings when she is at her house. I'm ok with whatever, now that I know. She won't be getting the kids tonight, they will be with me b/c of her illness.

The pain and crying have subsided. They are not completely gone and I need to make a conscious effort to remove myself of them. We as human do tend to become comfy on our pity pots. I am having a problem however seeing what this could become and I believe that is b/c I'm having a problem seeing past the hurt within myself and my kids. So yes I feel like I am contridicting myself. I know what I need to do, I just need to continue practicing it and get better at it.

I thank you for what you have posted and I will write more as I process this throughout the day. I started this post and have been interrupted multiple times so I will write more later.

Thank you so much GH!!!