I hate to make this sound simple, but I truly feel it is. It's just like sky diving, public speaking, etc, at some point you have to just do it.
The problem with me was that I always was SO afraid my W would reject me, laugh at me, not take me seriously when I said/did certain things because I was CONVINCED that she didn't see ME as a sexual person at all.
Just like your W, my W was sure I wasn't turned on by her. She has body issues to begin with and projected them onto me, thinking that I must not be attracted to her because of how things were (not much sex, kissing, intimacy in general). I only found all this out after things turned the corner. Before that, I simply thought she just didn't like sex and was so beaten down by what I perceived as her rejecting me all the time (come to find out you actually have to TRY to do something before you can be rejected). Nothing could be farther from the truth.
My inability to express myself either physically or verbally came off to my W as a lack of desire for her and when I did manage to weakly do the "Here, let me rub your back...oops, I touched a breast" move that was my calling card for "I want sex now honey", it made her feel like a piece of meat instead of the object of my desire.
To make her feel that I wanted HER, I had to just do it. I had to just learn to RISK telling her what I felt, KNOWING (not really) that she would find me ridiculous as hell.
Shocking to find that when I did manage to express myself, taking a HUGE risk, she would have appreciated 1/4 of what I managed to get out.
I think you seeing the therapist is a great idea and I hope it helps.
As far as how you go about doing these things on your own, well, I would say it's VERY possible to do. She just wants you to be passionate towards her. If my W's reaction to me FINALLY doing that is any indication at all, your W SHOULD react positively to what you do.
I can't tell you exactly what you need to do. I can't say "pin her against the wall and kiss her like your life depended on it" but I can say that in my opinion, based on what I read, and what I recently experience after a decade of being someone terribly uncomfortable with intimacy, it will take a risk by you to get this going. It will take you showing her that you are unafraid and unconcerned with how she reacts to your expression of how you feel, whatever form that takes.
I think in your W's case, and mine, passion is all about a demonstration that we are willing to risk it all, i.e. rejection, in order to show them how we feel because I know my W felt I didn't feel anything at all.
Move her Ian. Move her and don't be concerned if she stays moved. Kiss her without expectation. Tell her in explicit detail what you want to do to her tonight and don't flinch if she laughs. Follow through on it if she's game.
MAKE her give you a chance to show her how much she is the sh!t for you.
That's all I ever came to want, ONE chance. I knew that if she gave me that chance she would not regret it, and so far, so good.
