Example. This weekend, I knew we would ML. She wanted to, I wanted to. We even planned on it for Friday. It didn't happen. I COULD have gotten upset or moody. I USED to react that way anytime things didn't go according to the "plan". I started to feel that coming on Saturday morning but I decided to just let it go. I made the CHOICE to behave differently and not let my emotions get the best of me.
Then Saturday night rolls around...again, nothing. She was tired. I started to get that "uh-oh" feeling and stopped it cold. She WAS tired and so was I. I worked all day and she did a ton of stuff with the boys. Then, add to that, our plans for the day to go somewhere fun with the boys kept getting pushed back until it was too late to enjoy the wonderful weather. I DID get moody and snapped at my W a couple times but then I realized what I was doing, stepped back and made the CHOICE to relax and make the best of things. When I did, my W admitted she was feeling sick and thanked me for understanding. Before that, because of my "snapping" and such, she had been on the defensive, not telling me if/what was wrong.
EVERYTHING is a choice. You can choose right now to process what you are feeling. You can choose to be happy, you really can and that leads to...
9) I learned to choose to be happy. I learned that my emotions, mostly the negative ones, were mainly my uncontrolled reactions to her...
10) And this should be #2 or #3, I learned to truly detach. I learned that detachment could be done with her living with me, and that it was something that could be done for life. Detachment is NOT discontinuing love. It is actually loving more. It is all about learning to have my OWN set of emotions that could live independently of her. I never did that and thus was always side-by-side with her in the trenches of her depression/gloom instead of standing above her, in a more "happy place" (God, I hate that phrase) ready to help her up from her sadness if/when she wanted my help/support.
