I am really so happy for you, GH. Getting this idea is such a huge milestone, and it is one everyone here really has to reach before they can really begin to work through the pain of what has happened. This is true of people who save their marriages and of of those who get D. It is one of the big keys to getting unstuck and making real progress in your life.
You did a great job explaining this *big idea*.
Welcome to a happy life!
Hugs, Oldtimer
P.S. You are right not to get carried away with feelings that everything is totally OK now... There will be some very hard times yet. The doubt monster still has a view good jabs to make. I expect that your anger is still probably supressed, rather than dealt with, and when it bubbles out you may be surprised. THIS IS NORMAL. My guess is that things will continue to improve and you will feel more and more secure as you an W build intimacy and a stronger M.
Oh man, can I say told ya so again?!!! 
