Quote: More sex and consistent sex is very important to a woman's interest in and enjoyment of sex. Less is not more in this case.
Even though I posted last that I agreed with this, I went back and re-read it. This goes against conventional wisdom (what around here doesn't, lol) and also my personal experience (lot of good THAT'S done me). Why does society have it so wrong, or do they? My W seriously doesn't seem to want it that often, or as I said, maybe it was HOW she was getting it that was the problem.
She turned into this person, this intensely sexual person, that I never imagined existed. It was amazing, it really was.
beautiful,, have you read the book Passionate Marriage?
I have and it helped me so much,, I agree with you!!!
I myself had intimacy issues and I have gotten so much better but I still am working on it..It makes such a difference in your sex life.
.... what my Husband and I share now is amazing, so much deeper amd more intense and beautiful than ever imaginable..... Thanks for sharing your story,, I have had this happen too and it is a blessing to share ML like this within your Marriage. God bless...
Quote: My W seriously doesn't seem to want it that often, or as I said, maybe it was HOW she was getting it that was the problem.
Yes, HOW is a big problem. Unrewarding sex that is boring, even irritating and taxing, just makes the sex worse and breeds resentment like crazy.
However, it seems to be true among the women with whom I have spoken on the topic that more GOOD sex makes one want sex even more, while an absence of good sex leads to a dwindling libido. It is likely that your W (though she might be surprised by this) would find herself more aroused and into sex in the next couple of days than she would next weekend. (EGAD, this sounds like something out of one of those sleezy books advertised in the back of men's magazines about how to make your woman beg for more, lol.)
Of course, if you are both totally exhausted, sex can be a real turn off. So,it may be a little tricky. But, if you'll excuse me for saying so, it has always sounded to me as if the two of you have way too much TV time...
The one thing I can promise you is that going without sex for another month or two is not going to do positive things with respect to her libido.
Take your own (implicit) advice Grasshopper, really start with a beginner's mind here. It is great that you don't seem as sure as you did at one time about how things were between the sheets. You DON'T KNOW what she wants or how she will respond, but you are finding out and building intimacy while doing so. And maybe now you can begin to understand why your W wouldn't have been much interested in sex before...
Pin her to the wall, kiss her, and whisper in her ear that you couldn't stop thinking about _________ all day and how that affects you (in detail). Just *risk* it, because you are totally right about risks.
Hey GH, Good for you!!!!! Now to keep the momentum going. I too have had intimacy issues and am learning to overcome them and take risks. I know that jobs, kids and daily life can leave you drained but I am making it a personal goal to not let more than 2 weeks go by before we ML again.
Since I tried reading Passionate Marriage and it was over my head I picked up The Passion Prescription by Dr. Laura Berman. I am learning all kinds of things about me and how I relate to my H in and out of the bedroom.
I will never become complacent in my M again. It is definitely a work in process.
Well, I THOUGHT I posted this earlier but I guess I didn't.
x3
OT, you were 100% right. Instead of waiting until the weekend, I decided to initiate last night. She was tired and acting like she just wanted to go to sleep. It was late (Midnight) and we both had to get up at around 6:00am but WTH, I went for it and all she asked me was if I could go in to work late. When I said "YES" she said "YES" and the rest is history.
OT, thank you for all the advice in this area. I didn't really get it, or if I did, I couldn't find a way to actually DO it until now but I always knew I would find a way when the time was right and now it is.
She clearly likes me to take charge of this particular aspect of our R and in the past I guess I resented this because I thought she didn't love me as much if she didn't initiate. Now I am more self-assured and am perfectly happy taking the risks I need to take (rejection mainly) to get what I (and as it turns out, SHE) want. Each time we have intimate moments, either in the bedroom or out, she shares a little more, and so do I. We've NEVER done this before. Like I said, we never talked about our R at all before all this, let alone the "hard" stuff.
I think things are better now than they ever were in terms of intimacy and romance. She is helping in that respect too which is a great thing.
I think we are starting to realize that there may not be any one area we need to work on in our marriage but the simple fact that BOTH of us now understand there needs to be work done daily is a HUGE deal.
Thanks again for all your support. I really think it's paid off big time.
I am so happy for you and your family!! You stuck it out when others would have thrown in the towel. You used common sense and advise from this board and changed into the man you are today; confident, loving and caring. You are an inspiration.
Now grasshopper, you must take all of your threads from the past year and turn them into a new DB book!
Hi GH, You are awesome. I am so proud (as if I have a right, but anyway!) of the work you have done and the amazing results you are now achieving. Now, MamaBear alluded to something about you not being around much. That better not be the case! We all need you now more than ever, and even if you think you don't need us as much it might also keep you humble remembering periodically what it was like to go through this hell. And to keep from becoming complacent So don't forget to pay back the community and to stay connected. Great work, GH. What a huge difference from the GH I met on the BB last January.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
x3
So don't forget to pay back the community 