This sounds like you have had some BIG breakthroughs – good stuff.
A couple thoughts from what I have seen too as I work to rebuild. I think you are getting some great stuff from OT as well.
It is a HUGE trap that us Martians fall into – this thinking our W’s need space – WRONG and usually completely the opposite and it is all to easy to think that they need the space to figure things out – or that when we do take the time to listen that it is all about fixing their problems. Heck, that’s what we do right?
I have really tried to become an active listener – always leading with questions – really demonstrates that you are trying to UNDERSTAND – not fix, not judge, but understand. I remember back when WAW and I were separated and she would get home from work (I would usually ‘babysit’ the kids on those nights. I’d only give her a minute, and then I’d ask how your night was. W: “sucked”. Me: “Why”. W: “Because so and so did this..”. Me: “what do you think motivated that”. W…blah….blah. Then, M: “yes, I would have felt that way too”…blah..blah…
What I am also sensing in your sitch is something TJ and I peppered Xue about – and that is your W’s desire to “be taken on an adventure” versus “being the adventure”. Your best intentions were probably trying to find ways to “make her life better” – fact is sometimes living in the moment and taking an adventure is really what our spouses want. I have found this VERY true with my situation. I was ultraconservative, planning every step, etc. NO spontaneity. Now granted, W doesn’t do too well if it’s outlandish, so instead I try to plan events, then invite her along. That seems to be paying back well too.
I don’t know if you want some reading, but I suggest For Men Only by Feldhahn. It’s a quick and easy read – grounding in Mars/Venus concepts and I think really hits on some great things. If you read it, you will likely have a light bulb go off about the way you W was “moody” at WDW – too many windows open.
Hope that helps some….
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
