I was angry, but mainly I was hurt. I was devastated. I was totally caught off guard. I think it took me awhile to get angry but I did. I don't know how much I conveyed that in my posts.
The problem is that my anger was one of the BIG issues that caused my marriage to go south and once I got into therapy, I figured that out right away. I also figured out pretty early on that anger, while perfectly natural, would not really help me get anywhere in my sitch. I just vented a LOT (pounded pillows, etc) and learned to get it out of my system. I also took to working out, running, etc. It helped.
I did not know the man. I know who he was in terms of I saw them together (all this is documented somewhere in my posts if you want the long version) once. I didn't need to, nor want to know details. It didn't matter to me and I knew that the more I knew, the harder it would be for me to get past it. This has been proven to be true for a LOT of people on this board.
Eventually my W did come clean on a lot of the details and at the time she did it, in the beginning of what was supposed to be our reconciliation, it was ok for me to hear.
The bottom line is if you can't get past the anger, you can't get to anything else. It really is that simple. The people who get hung up on how unfair it is, or painful it is, or how angry they are don't usually get very far.
