I agree and I should restate. What I specifically am referring to are those of us here on this board who wrestle with fixing a dysfunctional relationship and whether to stay or leave.
I agree there are plenty of relationships that continue to exist for years that can tolerate, function and forgive. The question is what is the common denominator? The attachment books says it is the emotional bond that allows all these types of relationships to endure. If the couples and routinely connect and feel heard and validated, the marriage can survive. If they do not feel this connection, then no matter how much training, knowledge, differentiation or whatever they may do, the marriage will have a greater probability of not surviving. The emotional bond is the common denominator, not being able to hold onto yourself, having a strong sense of self, or anything else.
There are plenty or relationships that are severely dysfunctional, at least to those of us who understand a little of what dysfunction is. To those in the relationship, everything might be quite tolerable as long as some basic needs are met. The book is saying that emotional bonding is a requisite need. Other needs may be important too, but without bonding, meeting those other needs is insufficient.
This statement of yours on another thread seems more accurate to me-- not the "thin perilous line" model.
In my eyes, tenacity and the thin perilous line go hand in hand. Without enough tenacity, the perilous line becomes more real. With enough tenacity, you can, by force of will, ignore the thin line, at least for a while. It you accept the serenity prayer at face value, there is no logic to pressing for more tenacity.
Corri,
The reason I am pressing this attachment idea is that I truly think it can help others on this board. It can be like an enhancer, a turbo boost to other methods. Since we are in many ways dealing with the unknown, anything and everything that can tilt the odds in favor of reconciliation should be used (assuming you are willing to throw the serenity prayer out the window, but that is just my opinion.)
