Just talking out loud here, but I think when Cobra brings up that we seek the mother/father in our spouses, he may mean that men want emotional nuturing and support from their Ws, and women want direction and encouragement from their Hs. So long as neither is taken too far.
For example, BF, you want a woman who can hold onto herself and leave you alone when you go into your cave. Looking at this as a woman who is raising two sons... to me that means... giving my son a pat on the back as he finds his way...("you can do this, I know you can) but not 'babying' him while he does it. I give him room to be grumpy but not disrespectful. When I see him becoming disrespectful, I do not 'overpower' him (unless I have to in order to maintain the very clear line of parent/child), but I do put a stop to it immediately... in my own respectful way. He is a person, afterall, not just my son.
On the flip side... I think women enjoy the aspects of a father figure in the sense that they like to be heard (validated, but not necessarily capitulated to... i.e., that is a valid point and I promise to consider it)... and she wants to know that her efforts are valued and matter as he goes off into the world and makes his way. She wants to be included, but not necessarily lead. She wants her way at times (so she feels indulged), and she wants to know that when the chips are down, there are strong arms there to comfort her.
I can see that as mothering/fathering... but Cobra, I also see it as a purely m/f dynamic, that if taken too far, can cause all KINDS of problems within the M. That is why I think it is so important for both people within an R to have a very solid sense of self... or I will relie on you TOO much, take the daddy thing too far... set the R up as a parent/child relationship... and watch it all spiral out of control.
