Re Cobra I’d also like to hear more feedback from other long time posters on this board. It is very curious to me why there has been such a lack of comments on this thread. Cobra, I am sort of burnt out right now so don't have the energy to post much. I would like to know, learn and practice more R skills but for me, I have hit a mini-wall called "take care of myself" the BB/OP isn't going to do much to improve the R unless something drastic happens.
We all saw the episode on Dateline in which two couples went to see Schnarch. And, Yes, that is where I am also going over. I have the follow up interview Dateline did with Schnarch. I am hearing something that relates to our M each time I re-listen to it. ( MP-3 file on this page http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13907213/ ) I asked BB to give it a listen but it isn't happening. I am not asking anymore.
....learn to hold onto himself and find the security he needed within himself and then be able to give that back to his wife. .... but I am seeing this as a bigger and bigger flaw in the differentiation theory. Attachment theory is making this flaw seem ever more clear Yes, learning to hold on to yourself (HOTYS) is a big help. I see the connection to attachment theory and HOTYS
The book I am reading puts forth a very strong case that trauma victims are MUCH more successful at recovery if they have a close partner bond with whom they can face the “dragon” (as Susan Johnson calls it). I would think, Snarch's and Johnson's terms could be combined effectively.
I see where some books like MWD's advocate "baby steps" and Schnarch advocates bold moves to break gridlock. I suppose each has it's place and limitations.
From what I read in your post, is Shnarch methods needs more support for one spouse during times of change.
