On the “Fatalist…” thread you posted a link to an article on attachment theory by Susan Johnson. I am now beginning to read a book by her called “Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors; Strengthening Attachment Bonds.” I will post comments here about the book once I get a little more into it. The first part so far has a lot of review of EFT theory and discussion of trauma and the approaches to treating it. She says that without a full appreciation of any past trauma, therapists can misdiagnose patients as have other problems, such as borderline personality disorder. I hope later in the book there will be more discussion on how to use some attachment therapy techniques.
I’d also like to hear more feedback from other long time posters on this board. It is very curious to me why there has been such a lack of comments on this thread. The attachment theory approach seems to turn a lot of what we have been preaching on its head. It certainly flies in the face of some of what Schnarch proposes. Is that such a bad thing?
We all saw the episode on Dateline in which two couples went to see Schnarch. One couple seemed to have resolved their fears and progress. But the interracial couple fell apart. It seemed to me that the H was needing a mother figure to give him the support he needed. His wife played into that role, but when she came to realize what was going on, she stopped, basically demanding he grow up and take on his adult leadership role. This was too much for him and he seemed overwhelmed. He could not ascend to that role on his own, especially with the growing resentment in his wife. It was just too scary. I believe that is why they eventually divorced.
Schnarch seemed to just accept this outcome as a consequence of the man’s failure to confront his issues, to step into the crucible, do the growing he needed, learn to hold onto himself and find the security he needed within himself and then be able to give that back to his wife. I recall his almost lack of concern about this idea bothered me quite a bit. The program did not pick up on this, but I am seeing this as a bigger and bigger flaw in the differentiation theory. Attachment theory is making this flaw seem ever more clear.
I wonder what would have happened if Schanrach used a different approach and helped the couple identify the attachment issues in the H. What if he were able to focus on the need to basically grow up, but with the support and comfort of his wife. The book I am reading puts forth a very strong case that trauma victims are MUCH more successful at recovery if they have a close partner bond with whom they can face the “dragon” (as Susan Johnson calls it).
I wonder if this approach would have saved the marriage of that couple, instead of throwing the H out on his own to come to terms with his weakness and grow on his own. The fighting and bickering that ensued must have only served to make him feel more isolated and more anxious. At some point he must have given up and she must have gotten fed up. That to me does NOT sound like the optimal recipe for success. Could it be that the uses of this approach is why there have been so few success stories on this board?
