OK, I can see your frustration. It does seem like you’ve done too much of the giving, the pursuing, so changing that is changing the dynamics. His hard, intimidating position is a form of control. He does not understand the power argument that I mentioned to Heather. But that is probably because he was so extremely damaged as a kid.
This is a tough situation. He is crying out in a passive aggressive way for validation but he is angry and refuses to accept the help when he gets it. You loose either way. He has you caught in a loop that keeps the focus on him. Maybe you should refresh yourself on that narcissist website (Sam Vaknin) some more. It is starting to sound more and more to me like this is may be what he is struggling with.
