So now you have the advantage of getting a peek inside the defensive shell that both you and your wife have created. That is a major accomplishment, believe it or not. It can take couples years to see the truth of their fears. Start to learn more about this and discuss it with your wife.
Remember, what you are looking for is the reason for your FEARS. Reasons for anger, resentment, jealousy, etc., are NOT the core issue you are looking for. Those are all reactions to fear. Focusing on them will get you locked into a circle to throwing blame back and forth. Only confronting the true underlying fear will allow you to truly make progress. The only way to do this is to know yourself.
