Now is how do you discuss something like this to a super sensitive person?
That is a tough one because anything and everything you say will be taken as an attack. Also, I’m not sure if “supersensitive” is necessarily the correct description. She might be. But if she is from a narcissistic family, she was probably trained/conditioned to focus on her needs first and others last, if at all. She was not conditioned to be empathic. What seems like sensitivity is really empathy for herself. If like my wife, she is empathic to others or situations to which she can directly relate, because she is reliving the hurt she experience at one time. Otherwise, she could really give a flip about how I feel, justifying with an “all men are dumb emotionally” sort of logic.
One of the hardest things for a therapist to overcome is convincing someone they are playing the victim role and are not as innocent as they would like to think. It is a form of manipulation and control, playing on your guilt. It sounds like your wife has some major self esteem issues due to her upbringing. She probably has a lot of anger around this which she may have stuffed. I think your best bet is to find a counselor and dig into hers and your FOO issues.
Remember, you married her and by theory you should be equally differentiated. If she is ultra “sensitive” then you must be ultra caring or rescuing. That means you’ve got a lot in your past to deal with too.
