I did the same for a long time. When we finally got into counseling, I realized how much I was walking on eggshells, how much of my power I was giving away, and that I deserved more out of a marriage, but I did not want to leave the marriage. The thought of D and being separated (part time) from my kids was scary. I think my wife has the same fears, though she has harder time being truthful about it (her focus is on the kids, avoiding the question of what SHE wants). We have been stuck in a power struggle for years, but I think this year we have both come to realize that it is not about power, but about fear.
I don’t think there are any new or undiscovered answers out there. This thread really does not contain anything new, just a slight twist on how to see the same ol’ issues. I hope you can get your wife to read Schnarch too. Dr. Laura wouldn’t hurt either. How do you rate on the adult attachment style questionnaire?
