I your wife KNOWS you have no intention of leaving the marriage, and she doesn’t give a flip about whether you are satisfied in the marriage, what exactly are you going to do to turn things around? You can talk, cajoled, entice, seduce, b!tch all you want, but if she draws the line and says she will not do X, whether you like it or not, what will you do? There’s nothing you can do. You are stuck and she controls the cards.
If she does not change, it is because she is more comfortable being stuck, than changing. She is in a comfort zone. Why in the world should she move out of it. Either you need to get comfortable with accepting your situation or get her to change (since you say you will not leave). What other option is there? If you do not want to change your needs, then how long can you hold out before jumping ship? Either you divorce later (after wasting many years in frustration) or you divorce sooner. Do you see any other option?
BTW, FOO stands for Family of Origin. Passionate Marriage by Schnarch is th right book. Read it twice, at least.
