On the job issue, I would say find the next job and quit this one. I did well in sales but had to get out too. Comission was just too stressfull. If you transition to the next one, the issue of relying on H goes away.
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We had an argument because he didn't discuss his changing his benefits at work, and adding a life insurance on me (he gave me the papers and I signed), but it irked me that he just went ahead and did it, without first discussing it with me. ... it's that he didn't talk to me about it first. Agh! He got all defensive, and upset, and shouting that he would never physically hurt me, yadda yadda.
Do you truely feel that he wouldn't hurt you? For me I know our benifits person drops stuff in our laps and needs a response immediately. He could of just seen this as a way to better protect/provide for his family/W. However, there's nothing in this day and age that should have stopped him from picking up the phone. I know in my sitch my W would be upset that I should even need to ask her, she came from more of a don't discuss it, just do it (father) household. Maybe take a less scrutinizing approach to his actions, and encourage discussion through using positive re-enforcement. Positive reactions encourage open discussions. But that doesn't mean you have to agree, just keep the atmoshpere positive and open.
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So, I am done trying to get it into his thick skull what my needs are re the communication thing. I have no idea what I am going to do, ultimately, but this cannot continue like this. He's not doing a thing to earn my trust back, so I am backing off, and detaching again. Not sure what else I can do.
Are you still doing counseling? Perhaps this question/concern should be covered there. Positive delivery of question would be key. As far as the space, sleeping on the sofa issue, I would say this is a choice I made for tonight since I need time to sort out what has been said.
Perhaps you and you D need to go away this week end and have a break together.
