The darkness does not endure!

[BeingMe]

So, H turned down the job, after all. However, he may take a contract position in Pennsylvania, of all places. I reckon he has to do, what he thinks is right for him, career-wise.

As for me, I continue with my studies, trying to get fit and healthy, have a good R with D14 and other children (although D19 is apparently engaged to idiot BF33, and I have had to realise that there is nothing we can do, but hope she doesn't follow through and marry him - good lesson in knowing we have no control over anyone, only hope that we have some influence - sigh!).

On a positive note, I am thinking of registering at a women's gym. I have a free week of using it, but I am already impressed with the owner, and the facilities. Tonight I go for my first tae-box class, so it should be interesting to see how fit I am after several weeks of inactivity. While chatting to the owner, it occurred to me, that the only obstacle standing in my way (we were discussing fitness, but this can apply to everything) was myself. All we have to do, is step around ourselves and get on with the job of living our best and most authentic lives.

Tune out the negative thoughts, the put-downs we just love to give ourselves, the insecure messages ('they won't like me' or 'I'm too scared to try something new, because I might fail'). Be your own best friend! That's my goal as I move toward the big 5-0 in September. I will not waste another day on being frightened, insecure, me. I will no longer use stupid excuses to stand in the way of my dreams, hopes, and goals.

I know that I am a good person, I have a purpose on this planet (God put me here for a reason, and I have used fear to stand in the way of my achieving my best life), I have my faults, but I never do anything with malicious intent, I am a good friend, a good mother, and mostly a good wife, I have talents and skills that are of worth to me and my fellow man, and all I need to do is find out how to use them to their best advantage. I am sometimes silly, but that is usually one of my more endearing qualities. Ha! I can be very passionate about some things (like our environment), and idealistic, which can be annoying to some people, but that's their problem. I am sometimes controversial and I don't shy away from awkward debates or discussions.

So! I will no longer care what people think of me or worry about failure. I will do things that I enjoy, follow my heart, laugh a lot, and just try and be present in my life's journey (and not lost in a fog somewhere, and just trying to get by). IOW! I will just be my best self, and let the chips fall where they may.

How about you all listing your good qualities! You know you have them, so tell us about the best you. It's not bragging, it's just telling it like it is. Because we are not all the sum of our bad traits, stupid choices, or emotional upheavals in our lives. We are more than that!

If none of you have a cheerleader in your lives, then be your own. Don't allow yourselves to be the obstacle in your lives.