We are going through some really challenging times at the moment. We have just found out that our D19 is being physically abused by her older BF (he is 33). She has left him, for now, and staying with a friend, but she tends to go back, despite our warnings. We have offered to send her to Florida to visit our D26, to get some perspective, but we are not sure if she will take the offer. She lives in a city 12 hours drive from us, and we have made the trip a couple of times to either fetch her or try and talk her out of this destructive R. Unfortunately, this creature (I cannot call him a man) has also been spreading vicious rumours about our family, implying our children have been abused, that our family is uncaring of our D19, and so many other awful things. People who know us, don't believe it, but I am still ashamed that my D19 does not defend her family. This person has proven himself a liar, is despicable (he pooed on someone's lawn because their son was not liked by his co-workers who were friends with this creature - how mature is that) has an ExW who ran away with their 2 little girls, because of his own abuse of them, so I guess he is projecting his own evil onto us, trying to justify his actions, and isolate our D19 from us. But, we will never abandon her, and will always love her, and be here for her. Perhaps he doesn't know what it is that loving parents do (his mother was physically and psychologically abused by his father, so he grew up with that, and says he hates his mother and says it was her own fault for nagging his father - he told us most of this himself, which was when I started thinking that he was not a good person for my D19).
I'm afraid I'm still in shock, and am so disappointed in our D19, who has (until now) generally showed a mature and reasonable attitude. Maybe she thinks she can 'save' him. We just cannot figure this out. I have been trying to use DB'ing tactics on her, like detaching, going dark ... some things work, and some don't. Detaching helps me deal with all of this, especially since I have a D14 who needs me now. What I would do if it weren't for her, I don't know. She is such an awesome kid.
My H and I have pretty much stuck together on this, and in some ways, all this has made us closer. But, in some ways, it's made me more reserved, because I can't help thinking that maybe it's all the stress of the EA, and the pain it caused our family, that is perhaps causing our D19 to doing what she is doing now. I could be wrong, so I am reserving judgement on this, for now. However, D19 is an adult, and needs to grow up, and think about any children that might come out of a union with this person. It would be so unfair to saddle them with an abusive father. And, she would be going into this with her eyes wide open, although her ears tightly closed to our warnings, and everyone else's warnings.
Just feel like crying .....
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
People who know us, don't believe it, but I am still ashamed that my D19 does not defend her family. This person has proven himself a liar, is despicable (he pooed on someone's lawn because their son was not liked by his co-workers who were friends with this creature - how mature is that) has an ExW who ran away with their 2 little girls, because of his own abuse of them, so I guess he is projecting his own evil onto us, trying to justify his actions, and isolate our D19 from us. But, we will never abandon her, and will always love her, and be here for her. Perhaps he doesn't know what it is that loving parents do (his mother was physically and psychologically abused by his father, so he grew up with that, and says he hates his mother and says it was her own fault for nagging his father - he told us most of this himself, which was when I started thinking that he was not a good person for my D19). 
