Yeah, I know he can't blame me for not getting the visa, but I still think he feels as if he can't get a break on the career thing, and adds to his depression. And, you know, he has a great career. He earns a good salary, and has an interesting job. He just can't seem to settle for any length of time. I rather think it comes from way back in his childhood.
As for me .... I feel somewhat depressed, and as if I have run out of steam. I will just take some time to reflect, and read, and sweat some at the gym. I still take note of my goals, and try and realize that I can't do it all at once. Just work at it one day at a time.
I just wish I had a job, or a way of earning enough money to take care of myself and D14, so that I don't feel dependent on H. I resent being financially dependent, but also understand it's my own fault for not finishing my degree, despite the difficulties with having 4 children (twins included), and all the moving. I shouldn't have just given up. Kicking myself now, but I know I could only do as much as I was able to at the time, and will definitely be continuing my studies from now on.
I am not going to walk out just yet. But, I am done with trying to make him feel better. He needs to wake up, before I grow really tired of his lack of interest in the M, or more particularly, in me. I'm tired of being told there is nothing wrong, that I am imagining things, that I have nothing to fear, and I should just trust him. But, he continues to be unplugged, distant, disinterested in ML, unwilling to talk to me at any length about anything. What he says and what he does, is confusing me. I am lonely, and feel as if he is hiding things from me. I know, I sound paranoid. Ugh! I am just so sick of it all!
I hope the weekend goes well, and I am able to get some things done around the house. Will aim for getting my PMS up again.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
