Quote: If only it were so simple. It's not a question of "agreeing" for me, MrsNOP. It's a question of how I'm WIRED. Many of us do not enjoy sex with someone who's just "agreeing" to do it with you, especially when that is so much different than how they were earlier in the relationship, and the things that attracted you to them in the first place.
Mrs. Choc.: "Choc., can't we just agree that there are different reasons for making love rather than insisting that the only sex life that counts is one where we both are experiencing sexual desire at the same level and in the same way?"
Choc.: "Um, no."
Different levels? Sure. If my wife wants to ML 1x/week and I want to ML 5x/week, and we can agree on 2-3x/week, sure.
Different times? Sure. If it's "I'd really love to honey, and the last time was great, but I'm just not feeling it tonite -- I'm really tired. How about we try again tomorrow?" I'm good with that, especially if she initiates it the next night.
Different ways?? Hmmm. If by that you mean "Honey, I really love you, more than anything in the world, but although I know your love language is 'physical touch', mine is 'acts of service. So here, I've washed your car for you."
I'm not so sure I'm okay with that.
We're talking two different things. It sounds like you're thinking of the "lay here and think of England" type of agreement. And I'm thinking of "this is someone I love - someone I enjoy being with, let's go have a good time" type.
Quote: Mrs. Choc.: "Choc., can't we just agree that there are different reasons for making love rather than insisting that the only sex life that counts is one where we both are experiencing sexual desire at the same level and in the same way?"
Choc.: "Um, no."
Sexual drives are different and it's obvious that they can and do change. I think the stance reflected in the quote above leaves you and your wife in an impossible position.
Do you think that two people can't have a rip-roaring good time sexually (and/or a gentle sweet tender good time) with each other without having equivalent drives?
Would the above be acceptable to you?
Because I can tell you from my experience that they can.
It may mean that you might have to have less than satisfactory sex for a time while the lower drive spouse works through a few things. Is that something that you could tolerate?
