This is just a sick thought and I'm NOT at all serious about it. Just for fun. We are mighty serious here and a laugh wouldn't hurt us!
So we have a convention and everyone wears a label on their chest instead of a name tag. Just HD and LD. All the HD folks pick another HD person and the LD's do the same. Then we all go home and live happily ever after!
Virginwife, why is that sick? We've brought up other similar scenarios just in jest. Heck I once suggested that we all walk around with brochures that we can hand out to other people...so they know exactly what to expect from us.
It's not a sick idea, it's a logical idea, and a great one. But there are only two problems with it:
1) Assuming we have the typical moral standards regarding marriage, once you've made that committment it's too late. You only get one chance in life, and if you realize later you've made the wrong choice, sorry, but you're SOL, game over, no second chance.
2) The logical flaw of assuming the guests at the party would play by the rules and be honest in their selection of nametags. I would be willing to bet that a good number of the LD spouses that those of us here wound up with after marriage were all but downright flamboyantly "strutting HD badges" before marriage, if you know what I mean. After all, if they had been honest about their true LD status, we wouldn't have married them, and we wouldn't be in this mess now, and that's what makes a maddening situation even more maddening. The knowledge that we got gyped through dishonesty.
I agree with you on item 2. I do believe that many women are more physical early in relationships then they want to be because they know that if they were honest about their sex drives, that most men would NOT want them. I think a lot of women just believe that once they get their man, that they can somehow "change" them to want something other then sex, which RARELY works.
Exactly. As the saying goes, "A woman marries a man thinking she can get him to change - but he doesn't. A man marries a woman thinking she'll never change - but she does!"
The HD spouse (or MAN if that's the way you want to see it) tends to woo the woman in all kinds of ways. He flatters her, takes her out, buys her flowers and other gifts, pays attention to her every word etc in order to get his heart's desire. She is persuaded by his attentions and gives him what he wants (not to say she doesn't want it too). Then it would appear he thinks "ha, job done, no further need to woo, I have her". Well sorry!
These women did not cheat their H's into thinking they were HD, they are probably feeling cheated themselves.
A relationship starts out with the woman having the supply and the man having the demand. He wants something she’s got. She does not put out until she feels secure enough in the strength of his desire and what he is willing to give in order to secure her supply. Does he place a high enough value on her for her to be willing to give up what she has? If she feels he does then she will “fall for him”. And hot sex ensues. After a while the man begins to feel he’s getting it for free, he can come home from work in a grumpy mood, watch TV all night, come to bed without showering and expect to get hot sex. The woman feels devalued, cheapened, by this attitude. She feels turned off. She wants to recreate what they had, those romantic feelings of being desired and wooed. Well what does she do? She goes back to withholding the supply.
Then of course there are the women who have read too many issues of Cosmo in their youth and think that men like hot chicks that jump straight into bed with them just for the asking. And those ones probably are acting a part, those ones probably have no idea what desire is and many, many of them have never had a real O. So they will start asking themselves “what’s in this for me?”.
My H has a Lotus Elise. He desired that Lotus when he first saw a picture of it in a magazine. He said “I will have that car”. He got the car, he loved the car and drove it every day for a year. Then he drove it a couple of times a week, then just at weekends. Then it stayed in the garage for a month or two. Next time he went to drive it, it wouldn’t start. He left it in the garage. H still owns the car. It is in the garage on blocks, and hasn’t been driven for over four years.
My H has a wife. He desired that woman when he first saw her. He said “I will have that woman”. He married the woman, he loved the woman and cared for her, complimented her and took her out and made love to her every day for a year. Then he made love to her a couple of times a week, then just at weekends. Then nothing for a month or two. Next time he went to make love, she wasn’t in the mood.
Fran
Last edited by haphazard; 10/09/0612:20 PM.
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
28% of women in their 20's are unable to achieve orgasm.
42% of women in their 50's are unable to achieve orgasm.
============================================== by the time a woman is 40, she has half the testosterone she had at 20. =================================================
Donna has being taking testosterone for 6 years, and so far she's had none of the possible short term side effects. Donna says testosterone gave her libido back. ==================================================== Her research led her to the role of another hormone which drives desire. It's called oestrodiol.
During the normal menstrual cycle, oestrodiol rises and falls, peaking around ovulation.
And when oestrodial peaks, so does desire.
But what Lorraine discovered is that the pill can flatten out those natural oestrodiol highs.
And there's more - we now know the pill also suppresses free testosterone, potentially delivering a double libido blow.
While there are few good figures, estimates are that between 10 and 30% of women are affected. ===================================================
"In the short term, however, the pattern is clear. According to therapist Pat Love, about 18 months into a romantic relationship, a state of complacency sets in, and passion and euphoria begin to wane. Most women don't understand that this is merely another stage in the relationship, one that requires new stimulus, sexual and otherwise, to maintain interest and excitement. Instead, we assume our declining libido is a sign that we're no longer in love with our partners, and we can be tempted to look for another hormone high with someone new."
End Quote: ===================================================
Women early in relationships have another chemical bath going in their bodies that often leads to increased sexual desire. As the relationship progresses out of its early infatuation stages, that chemical bath wanes and often so does the sex drive.
In other words, while there are calculating manipulative women who are pretending to feel desire in order to get something, many women are dealing with a change of internal hormones that has nothing to do with trying to deceive men. And that they little understand themselves.
""There has been a dearth of research examining the relationship between body image and women's sexual response. These new results support a link between body image and sexual responding that needs further study," Koch explained.
The study, appearing in the current issue of The Journal of Sex Research, surveyed heterosexual Caucasian women of whom 21 percent said they were pre-menopausal, 63 percent said they were undergoing some menopausal changes (perimenopausal) and 16 percent were post-menopausal.
The results showed that, regardless of the woman's age or menopausal status, she was more likely to consider herself more attractive when she was 10 years younger. Nearly 21 percent of the respondents could not think of even one attractive feature and reported an overall sense of dissatisfaction with their bodies. The survey participants were most dissatisfied with their stomach, hips, thighs and legs - the parts of the body that gain weight with age. The researchers contend that the Western World's infatuation with youthful slender bodies creates anxiety about aging and pressure for older women to disguise what are otherwise normal changes.
Most interestingly, the more a woman perceived herself as less attractive, the more likely she was to report a decline in sexual desire or activity. Nearly 70 percent of the women reported one or more changes in their sexual response, usually desiring sex less and engaging in sex less often. Encouragingly, despite these changes in desire, the women reported that when they did have sex, there was a high level of enjoyment. "
End Quote:
So, you may want to consider all the variables that impact a women's sexual desire before you choose to label your wife as some sort of deceptive manipulator who set out to snare you with sex.
Quote: The HD spouse (or MAN if that's the way you want to see it) tends to woo the woman in all kinds of ways. He flatters her, takes her out, buys her flowers and other gifts, pays attention to her every word etc in order to get his heart's desire. She is persuaded by his attentions and gives him what he wants (not to say she doesn't want it too). Then it would appear he thinks "ha, job done, no further need to woo, I have her". Well sorry!
So true. How come I enjoyed sex so much with other men and then early in my R with H? Probably because he was complimenting me on my appearance, treating me respectfully in bed and out of it, treasuring me. When it got to the point that I felt like I might as well be a blow-up doll, I somehow lost interest. So...who got ripped off here?
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
What happens first, the drop in desire, or the fall off of attention from the man? My guess is that in most cases, it is the fall off in desire. I still do all kinds of stuff for my wife and family. I used to do even more with her. It really does no good. MrsNop just listed in one of her postings about 20 reasons why women loses desire, and guess what. Men have NOTHING to do with ANY of them. If getting desire was as easy as wining and dining our wives, us guys would be all over that. We ALL try this, and guess what, we see NOTHING for our efforts.
