Ah...but HD people DO change. Perhaps not in their desire for sex (which I'm sure is what you meant)....BUT our other behaviors do change when we become comfortable/complacent in our R's....and as a result the SD in the LD partner takes a nosedive.
You still refuse to see that don't you? The SD can be affected by both people...even if only one person actually stops desiring sex.
First, sorry. Second, who am I posting to? I thought it was V-Wife? And I don't know what her (or your ?) sitch is in that, okay we get that he has LD. But as you said, there are other issues. Sounds as if it is a lot more than just LD. LD for sex is a drag and if that were the only problem, in and of itself --- like a low testosterone level, it'd be much less complicated.. This sounds as if you are saying it's, LD for sex PLUS LD for intimacy, --huge issue- and maybe LD for explaining and working on it----even larger issue(s).
Nope, no toys for that. If you read my earlier posts to VW, I mean the same for LD men as women. If my H refused to provide this essential aspect of marriage, which ONLY HE can provide WITHIN the M, to me (and it IS an essential, it is more than a perk)...sorry if this sounds harsh, but for ME, it'd just be a deal breaker. Sure, I'd give it some time, warn, explain, etc. But if it comes down to no sex the rest of my life, or very little sex and only begrudingly given, see you later. That is just cruel to do to someone inside the M and for God's sake, why would he want to be M at all, if there is no intimacy?
I am missing too many pieces to this puzzle to understand him/this/your stich and cannot offer anything useful without the other pieces. Is he getting help? Does he love you? How long has this been going on? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
First, sorry. Second, who am I posting to? I thought it was V-Wife? And I don't know what her (or your ?) sitch is in that, okay we get that he has LD. But as you said, there are other issues. Sounds as if it is a lot more than just LD. LD for sex is a drag and if that were the only problem, in and of itself --- like a low testosterone level, it'd be much less complicated.. This sounds as if you are saying it's, LD for sex PLUS LD for intimacy, --huge issue- and maybe LD for explaining and working on it----even larger issue(s).
Nope, no toys for that. If you read my earlier posts to VW, I mean the same for LD men as women. If my H refused to provide this essential aspect of marriage, which ONLY HE can provide WITHIN the M, to me (and it IS an essential, it is more than a perk)...sorry if this sounds harsh, but for ME, it'd just be a deal breaker. Sure, I'd give it some time, warn, explain, etc. But if it comes down to no sex the rest of my life, or very little sex and only begrudingly given, see you later. That is just cruel to do to someone inside the M and for God's sake, why would he want to be M at all, if there is no intimacy?
I am missing too many pieces to this puzzle to understand him/this/your stich and cannot offer anything useful without the other pieces. Is he getting help? Does he love you? How long has this been going on? j-
The short easy answer to how long this has been going on is almost forever. I meant that statement I made when I said a decade without sex gives one the right to reclaim virgin status! That's just my opinion though!
There's always reasons. I read that statement as excuses. He acted sexual until we were married then it all slowly went down the drain. Whenever we did have sex, it was all for him. Any satisfaction I got was an accidental afterthought. In 1998, I told him no more oral till I was satisfied and that was it....no more sex of any kind. I just got tired of ML to a frog. Got the picture?
For a while he was diabetic and had ED. He had surgery several years ago and is free of diabetes. After the surgery, he told me he was functional again. Too bad he doesn't want to use it for anything.
Other than being asexual, he's the best husband in the world. In a way, that sucks because I can't despise him. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me. It took me a long time to figure out that wanting a sexual relationship with your SO doesn't make you a flaming sex addict who needs to be hosed down regularly.
VW, yes you can re-claim virginity, if you want it. I'll go read your thread but I love your humor. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Quote: He had surgery several years ago and is free of diabetes.
Please explain. I'd like more details on his diabetes-- Type I or Type II, how long, does he take insulin, is he overweight, is he compliant with dr's orders?
Exactly what kind of surgery did he have? How long ago?
I'm not aware of any surgery that "cures" diabetes except possibly a kidney-pancreas transplant, and there was an article in the paper the other day that said the pancreas transplant only seems to work for a few years.
Are you sure he can have erections? Usually the vascular damage that is caused by diabetes is not reversible. Are you sure he's just not leveling with you? ED is something very difficult for a guy to admit.
My late H was Type I diabetic for 30+ years and had a kidney transplant in 1992 (they weren't doing the kidney-pancreas transplants yet). He also had a couple of heart attacks, and multiple other surgeries, including a hip replacement and a leg amputation. If there had been surgery to cure diabetes, he would have been first in line for it! He died just over six years ago, so has something come out since then?
25yrs...your are responding back to Virginwife, not me. I was responding to your post to her regarding "toys".
Don't worry about my sitch (thanks) my H and I are making progress...but it hasn't been easy, and it's taken some pretty drastic events with consequences to get real progress. However, we are doing much better....been here a long time LOL.
Quote: He had surgery several years ago and is free of diabetes.
Please explain. I'd like more details on his diabetes-- Type I or Type II, how long, does he take insulin, is he overweight, is he compliant with dr's orders?
Exactly what kind of surgery did he have? How long ago?
I'm not aware of any surgery that "cures" diabetes except possibly a kidney-pancreas transplant, and there was an article in the paper the other day that said the pancreas transplant only seems to work for a few years.
Are you sure he can have erections? Usually the vascular damage that is caused by diabetes is not reversible. Are you sure he's just not leveling with you? ED is something very difficult for a guy to admit.
My late H was Type I diabetic for 30+ years and had a kidney transplant in 1992 (they weren't doing the kidney-pancreas transplants yet). He also had a couple of heart attacks, and multiple other surgeries, including a hip replacement and a leg amputation. If there had been surgery to cure diabetes, he would have been first in line for it! He died just over six years ago, so has something come out since then?
Lilliepearl, I tried to send you a PM but apparently I can't do that. Don't know why. H was type 2. His Mom, Dad, and Uncle all died from diabetes complications. Even though H was compliant, he never did well and developed retinopathy, neuropathy(legs/feet), and ED. All he ever got to eat was plain meat and vegetables! H was/is normal weight pretty much, I think his BMI is 26 or 27 same as pre-op. He had his surgery, DS for Diabetes, more than 2yrs ago in Spain. The surgery has been done for more than 10yrs in Europe. The cure rate is 98%. For H, the cure was immediate. He can eat as he pleases and the cure has nothing to do with weight loss, drugs, or exercise. A lot of his irreversible damage has gone away. His vision went back to 20/20 without glasses, most of the pain/tingling in his feet went away and his ED too. There is a big difference between managing Diabetes and curing it. Since H did so well, several of our friends went and had surgery too. The most amazing was a 62yo man who had been insulin dependent for more than 30yrs. It took him about 6 month to get off all his meds but he did it. This surgery is a miracle and it's a shame all diabetics aren't told about it by their docs. H has been checked out by his doc and an internist and they both agree his Diabetes if gone! And he now has the cholesterol of a 10 yo! No more meds for hyperlipidemia either! I don't know why they don't do the surgery here but there are studies going on at Cornell and Scopinaro did a paper on it at the DS Institute in SFO this summer. Those darn drug companies sure would be in trouble if all their cash cows(the diabetics) all lined up for surgery!
Sorry about your H! Being a type 1, the surgery wouldn't have helped him.
Quote: He had his surgery, DS for Diabetes, more than 2yrs ago in Spain. The surgery has been done for more than 10yrs in Europe. The cure rate is 98%.
What is the name of this procedure? what is it that they cut/tweak/remove????? "surgery"....too vague!! where can I read more about it??
I'd like to know more about this... I'll admit I'm VERY skeptical. I read a bulletin board with some very knowledgeable diabetics from all over the world, and I've never heard of this. More details, please.
Hi ladies, Mind if a guy jumps into this hen party? have any of you thought about the possibility that your LD husbands might have been abused as a child or teen ? My wife was and this lead to problems between us and eventually her cheating ( looOOOoong story, find my post). I've really been reading up on this, and I'm amazed at the effects it has on adults, even years into marriages when things finally start surfacing.
One of you wrote about not even liking the toys any more. I completely understand. After awhile, masturbation becomes a cruel reminder that you're not getting what you need. I don't think I'm nessisarily HD, but I would be extatic if my wife felt about sex like you do. we had a pretty good sex life until stress caused her to become depressed and even having panic attacks. Then it went from every week to every month and then w/o foreplay (knew then that she was just doing it to keep me quiet) to 3 months and then.....oh yeah, havent done it since then. that was easter.
we're seperated now. I think it was something I said....like GET THE F**K OUT OF MY HOUSE! after having caught her cheating. She was having a very active sex life with her guy friend from work. That hurt, and I know if we were to get back together, we have alot to go through dealing with her child abuse issues. But the fact is, that I love her more than I do sex. Is this crazy ? idunno. But I do know that if something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to move on and start dating. There are waaaay too many lonely sex starved women out there to sit around waiting on someone who says she can't make love to me becouse she loves me too deeply. She said she could have sex with OM because it wasn't so intimate. Sounds like bullsh!t to me !!!! But I have read alot that confirms that that is normal in her situation. Sorry if I got y'all off the subject.
