Re touching: my bf is more huggy now than he was in the beginning. We often do the full-body "hugging til relaxed" thing that Schnarch talks about. My bf rarely reaches for me. If I sit down right up next to him on the sofa, he may or may not put his arm around me. The one really touch-y thing we do is the full-body naked spooning, but it is SO not erotic. It's very cuddly-snuggly, but never leads to sexy feelings on my part (this is why I was interested in more detail from you on the other thread).
Re absence making the heart grow fonder: My bf never expresses sexual desire in person, on the phone, or anything. When we first started dating he sent me some very erotic emails, but those were usually late at night when he was drunk. Since he got sober, I can't remember him every expressing sexual desire. Even on those rare occasions that we've had sex of some sort since he got sober (probably eight to nine times since April 2004), it has been more of a snuggly thing that turned sexual, but never a full-blown erotic encounter.
When I went away to a conference last year, he told me every night on the phone how much he missed me, but the night I got back, he sat up until 2:00 AM and fell asleep in front of the TV as usual.
This year when I went to the same conference, I told him that's what he had done the previous year and I didn't want him to do that again. So this year, the night I got back, he did go to bed at the same time I did. Then the next night went back to his routine of staying up way past me.
When we first got together, we used to exchange sexual innuendos and grope-y touches during the day that I thought would lead to some action that night (as those kinds of things ALWAYS had done in past R's), but with bf, they NEVER did. The best example of that is once I gave him a bj outside at my house in the country where it's VERY private, and he stopped me before he came and said how nice it was, etc., and I thought sure he would want to continue later, but he never made any moves in my direction.
Beyond the ED issues, I think he's terrified of sex. I don't think he's ever had really great sex, or really loving sex, or really erotic sex, or anything but routine, boring, threatening, scary, invasive sex. Maybe he's not a good candidate for your survey.
