Blackfoot, Thank you! That was clear and I got it now. Whether or not I have the patience to carry out this plan, we shall see.
His P/A came up last night and we had a long discussion about it and guess what I ended up saying to him? This:
Quote: tell him straight out that you would prefer it if he just did what he wants and then fight with you about it, then act P/A.
!!
Funny you should mention it. This time it was over D4 and her preschool. He thinks kids don't need preschool, I think they do. Well "need" is a strong word, so please don't pick that apart but you kwim. I finally gave in to his wishes (there I go submitting again, will it ever end) but told him that I have no respect for him when I submit to harrassment rather than direct communication. He agreed to try and curb his complaining. If that happens, I will consider this a huge improvement within our lives and well worth scrappin preschool.
Despite what I've written here the last few days, we agree on nearly all child rearing decisions but, as you can see, when MrH and I don't agree on something very rarely does it get worked out in an adult way--either I give in and do what he wants and that's that, or he gives in and then harrasses me about it (read: incessant complaining) until I give up, in exasperation.
It does not create warm fuzzies in me.
Plus, if there are any fellas out there who do this...for pete's sakes, there is really nothing more unattractive than a P/A man. I mean, they really turn a woman's stomach. It is not in my H's character to 'get in my face' and so forth, and that is fine...quiet but direct communication would be MUCH preferable to his underhanded sneakiness. Also, validating a P/A man is very hard because, quite simply, I do not trust his motives. I don't trust that what he is saying because he is not being direct.
But.....MrH and his hairdog-like ways were able to pull me out of my irritated mood and by the end of the long convo, we were laughing and hugging.
Ok, I'm off to read your message again. I really need to memorize how to phrase these things so I am sure to do it right. It is really not my intention to control him. I am not one of those list-obssessed people who rigidly adhere to a schedule and freak if anything interrupts it. I am quite easygoing. But I do feel that, as her teacher, I need *some* measure of control over how the day goes and so I insist on being the boss of the applesauce wrt her education.
Lots more thoughts circulating..me trying to absorb the idea that I control him. Criminately, I'm seeing it.
