I also know that I am on the low end of the spectrum of controlling wives.
hahaha. HAHAHA. <ahem> seriously, Im sure you are. Honestly. I do.

yet I am just as confused reading your post as I am in real life. Would somebody please cough up a man who can communicate clearly?!?!? MrH and blackfoot seem to have the same mindset whereby I end up knowing what I'm not supposed to do, but not really what I *should* do.

Well no one took you up on that offer.
Let me see what I can <COUGH> up.

I am not telling you what you *should* do, with specifics, about the case of the alarm clock, because thats NMJ. What you *should* do in regards to this particular conflict is not what I am attempting to point out to you.

If your intent IS to control the alarm clock, then you need to state that, not a inauthentic statement that tells him you are not in control when you actually are.

If your intent is not to control what your H does in another time/place/conflict, then letting him know that with congruent actions would be necessary for your words to be authentic.

for arguments sake, Lets say you didnt want to control the alarm clock, or the situation. you would say...
<day 1> If you are going to turn off her alarm, just tell me so I dont get upset with her for not obeying the 'rules'.
Then the second day when he does it, to see if you really are relinquishing control (yeah it probably qualifies as P/A.) you would say,...
<day 2> I thought you were going to tell me if you turned off the alarm so I dont scold D7?
What are we going to do about the issue with BabyPot interuppting D7 classes?

That would show congruence with your words of the previous day and not controlling him.

That is not me making a recommendation for the particulars of this sitch. My opinion on the sitch is entirely different, and not relevant.

Another conversation broaching his P/A, and or requesting that he provide an alternate plan when he negates your plans would also be appropriate. Done with nuetrality and not irritation will further demonstrate that he can act without fear of reprisal.

Heck tell him straight out that you would prefer it if he just did what he wants and then fight with you about it, then act P/A.

Does any of this feel a bit annoying? probably.
Does it qualify as radically honest? Thats the whole point. Dont say it if you dont mean it.

When I met MrH I thought, Oh I will never be bored with this one. I have no doubt. Glad to hear it.