I know for certain that MrH feels controlled. I also know that I am on the low end of the spectrum of controlling wives. However, that little nugget really does not matter, since he FEELS controlled, dang it.
He has said that he doesn't like feeling controlled and yet I am just as confused reading your post as I am in real life. Would somebody please cough up a man who can communicate clearly?!?!? MrH and blackfoot seem to have the same mindset whereby I end up knowing what I'm not supposed to do, but not really what I *should* do.

For the record, I don't really engage in nicey nice talk. If I'm feeling nice--which I usually am--I will talk nice. If I'm irritated I will usually say it civilly but firmly. Rarely will I grit my teeth and really make a display of my anger, like I used to. Oh hell, let's be honest, I used to just let er rip and start hollering and carrying on. Anyway, my point is that I do my best as far as handling his passive aggressiveness (for that is *exactly* what we are dealing with, when you've got a man turning off the alarm 3 days in a row when he's been asked not to do that by his adoring wife) by revealing my true feelings instead of just resorting to what I'd really like to do.
So I might say, H it makes the day go so much easier when the alarm is set--for her and myself. instead of getting in his face and shouting WTF did you do that for, didn't we cover this yesterday??


Quote:

that statement was a tacit acknowledgement that you Can't/won't control him.



Yeah, but I will control that confounded alarm clock.
Ok, I get what you're saying but I'm still not sure what to DO about it. So I say it, acknowledge that I won't control him, and then my day gets utterly hosed because she's not up early enough and her education suffers?

Fwiw, MrH was the one pushing me to homeschool. Initially I was totally against it. I finally came around to his way of thinkin, and yet he doesn't support me much in this endeavor. I've talked about this with him and that is what finally got him to just go along with the early rising.

MrH handles all of the forces in his life the same way: coddling, indulging and then SNAP he gets ticked and goes off. So he might coddle D7 and let her sleep in and baby her but the next time she leaves her clothes on the floor he will flip out, and scare her half to death.

Interestingly, it was *this* quality that made me want to marry him, LOL.
In past relationships I'd get bored pretty quickly and lose interest, somewhat. When I met MrH I thought, Oh I will never be bored with this one.
And I was right.