Quote: What would he do, If you were to go to him when it hits you, and ask for a hug, or snuggle on the couch and after he starts, say I really miss my dad, can you just hold me for a little bit. Thats not telling him how to act, thats radical honesty. Thats living in the moment, and expressing the real HP. There is no expectation in that.
Wow that's good stuff. You know my first reaction to that was Oh (insert bad word) I can't do that. That would be too...much. Then I thought about it some more and realized that it didn't appeal to me because I don't really want to be 'held' or whatever when I'm down. WHAT do I want, that is the problem. I don't know myself and so I can't ask for what I need.
Quote: If you are going to turn off her alarm, just tell me so I dont get upset with her for not obeying the 'rules'.
This is what I said the first time he did it. So I mistakenly thought that he understood not to do it again and THAT is where I made my mistake. So the next day, instead of reacting like I did the first day I got irritated and said Why do you keep turning her alarm off? By the 3rd day it was just hard for me to keep my cool but I did. See I'm not really a control freak in the sense that I'm hovering over his shoulder, watching his every move. I'm more the variety of "If I tell you how I want it done, then I expect that's how it will be done". Yikes I can totally see how that attitude irks him off and yet I can't come up with a way to handle these types of situations. Eventually I get what I want. But the Getting There and Not Losing Temper portion of the dance drives me crazy and tests my limits of self control.
Quote: How does she have/Why has she been given so much power to control everyone elses scheduling around her?
It's not that I've given her power; she's a baby and they just sorta take it. Seriously she just doesn't have the maturity or self control to be able to make it thru 2 hours of school without being disruptive to the nth degree. Even when she's being good, she's still completely disruptive. It is not fair to D7's education for me to be horsing around with her the entire time.
I liked the article! I love reading articles about parenting and kids. It is hard for me to think about how to put some of it into practice with little kids, as young as my own. So much of my days is repetitive discipline; it's hard for me to realize that someday this won't be the bulk of my parenting, kwim? For example, I say things to D2 like "Don't play in the toilet; it's only for potty" or whatever but I'm not at all sure how to turn that into a teachable moment. By the way, that is not a I'll just throw that out there example, I really did have to fish her out of the toilet 3 times in 1.5 hours this morning.
Anywayyyyyyy that's neither here nor there. I appreciate your input. Acting without fear of reprisal. Got it. I may ramble on a lot but I do grasp the meat of your post (leave that one alone, if you dare) and put it into practice.
Corri, I hear what you're saying. I think each of us knows whether our participation here is healthy or not. Since I have nearly 5000 posts in 3 years, I'm guessing I fall into the psycho category, lol. Seriously I used to be like Fran, checking every 10 minutes and feeling the need to respond all the time. Not so much anymore. Many days I don't even turn my computer on and this is *huge* for me. It feels so freeing. Only you can determine whether you are 'using' this board for unhealthy purposes. These days, this is what happens to me: I only sporadically check the boards, find it more or less uninteresting. Then I slowly start posting again and feel the need to divulge parts of my life. Then as I'm ostensibly chit chatting, I realize that I'm unconsciously trying to work somethin out. I'm sure that you folks here see it before I do. It's always in retrospect that I go, Oh that's why I started posting again, cause I need to get to work on *that*.
For me, an easy rule of thumb is this: If it enhances my personal life, I think it is doing it's job. If it detracts from my personal life (and I've let it do this a *thousand* times) then it is unhealthy.
Now, on to your other unspoken question. Excessive communication. I am guessing that he is talking about folks who want to talk everything to death but all the while are circling each other like sharks, making sure that none of the talk actually reveals anything. I think we are all guilty of that, at times. Some more than others perhaps.
Do what you have to do, sis. I'm rooting for you no matter what you decide. I do want your email address so I can check in with you from time to time, if you decide to vamoose.
